Posted by: New at this | 2009/09/20

Difficult Teen

I' m involved with a single Mom who has an early teen daughter, who is basically a good kid, but resents my involvement with her Mom. I have been trying to " win her over"  by including her in our plans treating her to events , dinners, special treats etc in the hope of breaking the ice. However I am concerned that I am being manipulated by this young lady who takes takes and takes, but her attitude towards me remains unchanged. Am I rewarding what I consider to be her bad behaviour ? How do I approach this without appearing to be harsh , uncaring or overbearing and making it clear to her that I will not be manipulated ? I really need some help on this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course it's not unusual for the children of a single or divorced mother, especially reenagers, to resent ANYONE else who starts to form a relationship witgh the mother. And they can become very manipulative, nakedly taxing your time spent with the mother, and expecting rewards ( especially unearned rewards !) You're right, you may well, with the best of intentions, be rewarding bad behaviour on her part.
You and the mother need to discuss this properly betwen you, and take a clear and united approach. Useful comments so far from readers. Probably the pair of you need to have a comfortable, calm sit-down chat with the kid, explaining that you both see her as a good kid, a nd understand that she could feel wary of anyone forming a relationship with her mom, but that you two, as adults, intend to spend time together, and would also like to spend some time with her, so she can get to know you and understand why her mother likes you.
This should include more family type contacts, rather than special and unusual treats

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Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009/09/21

STOP bribing her!

They all seem to want something, at that age they want a lot, even if they don' t really need it and even though they know their parents can not afford to buy it and they may not even need it!

Find other ways of bonding. Offer to take her/him to her next school sports day, take her/him to a movie and have supper after lunch. Do you gym, take her/him with walk the treamils instead of running if that is part of your rountine. Maybe take a deep at the pool together, it' s summer now. Have a home braii.

All the best!

Reply to Really
Posted by: Rick | 2009/09/21

You are mirroring my situation exactly..ive got a few insights that may help me

hoarfen at yahoo dot com

You have to treat this situation extremely delicately because one wrong move and you will blow it permanently with the mom.


Reply to Rick

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