Posted by: Mr Nice Guy | 2009/08/30

Difficult Teen

I' m involved with a single gal who has a 13 year old daughter. We live apart and " court"  in the old fashioned way !! Before I arrived on the scene, it was very much Mom and Daughter, "  two against the world, just us two"  type of relationship.Missy is a handful, very demanding and pushy. indulged and spoilt, although at the same time she is quite a nice kid. I think she has lost respect for her Mom because of their close relationship. Now I do not intend for one moment getting involved in any Mom/Missy dispute or discipline in any form, no comment no nothing as I am not going to be Mr Bad Guy. But.... how do I handle the situation going forward. Mom has to make a life for herself, hopefully with me. I need to know how to handle my role in this relationship

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Our expert says:
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It surely can be more difficult that you might expect, to form a relationship with someone already in a strong and hitherto exclusive parent-child bond. And one of the risks within that original "we 2 " relationship is that the child can become spoiled, with no competitors for mom's affection or even time, from other kids or a father. When a parent comes to lean on the child, sharing esentially adult decisions with her/him, this can distort tha relationship by allowing the child to see the doubts, uncertainties and weaknesses of the parent to a rare degree. The child is denied the fond delusion many of us keep for much longer, of parents, indeed adults, as all-knowing and all-capable.
If your relationship with this couple ( for that's what it wopuld be, woudln't it ? ) is to become serious, it might be worth contemplating some couples / family counselling sessions to work out a workable joint policy to balance all needs and expectations

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