Our expert says:
You need to check out with your wife whether it is the fact that you masturbate, or that you do it to porn that is the issue. Masturbating to porn clearly is not thinking of her... Masturbation is frequently used as a way to relieve sexual tension, and many women find it an acceptable way to compensate for a miss-match in desire.
When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It seems unreasonable that she should expect you to operate like her - perhaps try to explain to her in non-sexual terms (e.g. If I say to you when you are thirsty/hungry that I can do without a cup of tea/chocolate cake/whatever therefore so should you, how would you feel? Sexual hunger is similar). This is not to say that you should always get your way either, but I imagine it would do the relationship some good if there were some element of flexibility.
If her concerns relate mostly to the principle of masturbation, then I suggest you engage her in conversation around her reasons for this (including religious reasons, as many faiths allow for masturbation as a means to avoid conflict or infidelity).
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