Posted by: Chantel | 2012/11/20


Hi, I I went through a work crisis in 2011 and my fiance subsequently left me emotionally and just never came back. Wanted to work things out and kept trying but he didnt want to. He blames me for everything and the past months he has been finding fault in everything I do and say. I found out a few days ago that he is having an affair. We have been living together for nearly two years. I am not in a financial position to move out right now and have nowhere to go. he said I can stay until I find a place, but how do I handle this. How do I behave towards him in the meantime. I am crying all the time and up and down between anger and despair. He seems to feel sorry for me but told me he does not love me anymore. I have a daughter of six going to school next year and a week ago I was still going to our special holiday home with him. What if he chucks me out tomorrow. I have never been so shattered. My whole life is upside down. Please advise on how to handle the situation?

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Our expert says:
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Within a couple relationship, ONE person can't sort out the problems you both have - couples counselling may help, but only if BOTh people sincerely take paert and actually want it to succeed. SO now you find he has been cheating on you and lying to you. If possible, see a counsellor to help you deal with your raw feelings and plan what is best for you and your child - he has made his needs irelevant to you now. And he and you must remember, he is liable in law for paying full fair maintenance costs for the expenses of the child until she reaches maturity, I think at 18 years of age - you can't just make a baby and then walk away.
Deciding that he doesn't love you any more is no excusxe for behaving so cruelly and selfishly.
Do consult a lawyer as soon as possible - such as at the free law clinic most law schools at universities have. I think also some attorneys provide an initial free 30 minutes consultation to advise you of your rights.

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Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2012/11/20

This is terrible news but unfortunately break ups happen everyday.As tough as it might be,move on,you don''t deserve this creep.
If you really want to forgive him &  he wants to try,then that is up to you.Clearly,you would need ground rules but it does appear that he is not interested.
All I can suggest is that you make sure he gives you some sort of financial compensation for this,that is,maintenance if the child is his.
As you have been living together as man &  wife,the law now states that you will be treated to the same " benefits"  as a married woman.Go see an attorney if possible.

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