Our expert says:
It is never wise to love anything or anyone "more than life itself" --- without that life, there is no love, anyway. Of course you knew and know that loving a married man is bound to lead to grief, for you, him, and his wife and family. Its hard to tell, when a married man has an affair with you, whether his wife is truly the sham he hsually describes it as, or if that's a line he has found useful in pursuing affairs.
If he's lying about this, then he's probably merely using you, and will never marry you. If he's telling the truth about this, then he ( and perhaps she ) have already decided to continue with their marriage, for whatever reasons, and he is not preparing to marry you, either. Divorces don't necessarily take as long as you've been told ; though if it is one that is hotly contested by the spouse and involving complex financial matters, I suppose it could indeed drag on.
A relationship that is based on lies ( to friends and others ) and hiding, is not one that is likely to prosper. Its disingenuous to call it a "relationship that, besides for the obvious, there is nothing wrong with!?!" --- that's like calling the Iraq mess, a situation that, besides the obvious, is peaceful. Are you not, by so fiercely insisting on THIS relationship, closing yourself off from other possibilities with better chances of happiness ?
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