Posted by: Nontokozo | 2006/07/20


I dont know whether its me or him, but we will be 1 year now in love but I just dont understand what sort of a person I am going with, you know:

1. He tells everything about me to his sisters
2. I work with him
3. He wont even buy me lunch when he does he will
ask for lunch on the 30th or so, and ask me what sort of a
lady am I
4. He says he is serious about me
5. He has a daughter that he lives with 10 year old and I dont
understand a 10 year old girl to sleep with her dady is this
normal whenever I go for a visit he ask her to sleep down and she becomes very angry (at first I thought its because they stay
in a small room, lodgers but now I dont understand why)
6. He says he would like to pay lobola at the end of this year

I know I want to get married and be settled you know I am 34 years old and I dont have a baby of my own but would like to
get married first, be settled, and have a family of my own but I dont
want someone who will be controlled by his family because I am
a very independent woman.

What do I do, I have set up a meeting with him for this coming weekend and would like to see him because I just dont understand what type i've got, sometimes I think he is there just for me to assist him and I want someone whom I can work hand in hand with.

Please assist!!! You know I now understand that you can be rich, own 123 have your own things but if you dont have someone you belong you are nothing, so please assist me, before I can go mad.

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Our expert says:
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Excellent responses from Mando and Gudu

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gudu | 2006/07/20

I agree with Mando, you cannot get married just for the sake of getting married coz it is one of your dreams. If you are doubting the relationship now, then I really doubt that by getting married, you will solve the problem.

For me, it is wierd for the child to share the bed with her father. It is almost as if the child is a subsitute partner and then when you arrive the child gets angry coz she will not get as much attention and this affects your relationship with her father and it affects the relationship between the father and daughter.

My advice, there are many great men out there, do not think that this is the best that you can do. Give the relationship a break, it will be painful, but loves finds you when you are not looking for it and maybe Mr Right will walk thru your front door and sweep you off your feet!

Reply to Gudu
Posted by: Mando | 2006/07/20

The question is do you want to get married to a person you don't understand? Please take a step back and evaluate your relationship. Marriage is like partnership so be sure that you both wnat this and is for similar reasons. I know what is like to be alone because I devorced my husband 3 years ago and I have been struggling in relationship until I decided to be single and believe me I am enjoying every moment and I am hoping that one day I will meet the right person.

Love yourself first and have boundries in relationships.

Reply to Mando

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