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Question
Posted by: Victim | 2004/01/16

Depression, Suicide and Weight (I Need Help!)

When i was younger (i'm in my late teens now) i was molested by one of my cousins (a teenage male at the time) and i believe that this negatively influenced everything in my life. I started gaining weight in grade 4 and i just stayed fat. i have asthma too, so that resricted me to little to no activity as i would get an attack as soon as i exerted myself. Nobody wanted to be friends with me and i soon started believing that i didn't deserve friends. Most of the time, the girls would be nice and this in turn made me a target for the boys as they'd tease me about my sexuality, saying i was gay because i spoke to girls more than i spoke to boys and i didn't want to play sport (because of my asthma). i was teased throughout primary school nad unluckily for me, my bully followed me to high school, where he told all the boys that i was a moffie, so most of my high school years were a struggle too. I have one close girl friend and sometimes i hate the fact that she has other friends and that she has to spend time with them as well. Through my teenage years, I have struggled with my weight, low self esteem and heartache and I've thought about committing suicide more than once. I wrote a letter to my mom and dad telling them how unhappy i was and of my thoughts of suicide. I asked to see a psychologist and i started seeing one. I haven't come close to a suicide attempt in a long time but as soon as something or somebody hurts me emotionally, i start comfort eating and therefore i stay at a constant weight. My psychologist says that i'm not fat and i shouldn't worry about my weight but i still do. Most of my friends are thin or at least have good bodies and i feel embarrassed about my body. I tried to join a gym but my mother said it was a waste of money and she refused to give the gym her banking details. I love her so much but sometimes i think my mom just wants to be a bitch. She sees that i'm not happy and i've told her so because we talk often and weight always comes into play somehow. She's convinced that dieting will work and she'll always come home with some new thing - eating plans or appetite suppressants, it's always something. I sometimes think I need to take appetite suppressants because of my comfort eating. Please help me. I need advice and guidance in all the above. I start school on Tuesday and it would be great to start my Matric year with a clear head.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Victim,
Stop thinking of yourself as a victim. You're not responsible for what other ppl may have done to you ; you can be responsible for what you choose to do about whatever they did. You can choose HOW you will react, and it doesn't have to be in self-destructive ways. It sounds as if your previous experience of a psychologist was with someone who dealt with things in a rather superficial way, and you deserve something better than that. This sort of mixture of problems including eating disorders, usually involves a number of themes, including a struggle for control.
Insist on your parents aranging for you to see a good senior psychiatrist, in the first place, for a proper assessment of the current status of things, and advice on treatment, potentially including medication and psychotherapy from a skilled psychotherapist psychologist, not someone too young and inexperienced.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Munchie | 2004/01/19

The number suggested by Gavin does not exist. I can give you the number of a person to speak to - please get back to me.

Reply to Munchie
Posted by: Gavin | 2004/01/16

get to a support group URGENTLY. you need help and there is help call 031-702 2466 or 702 2468
you need to talk to someone who understands.

Reply to Gavin
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/01/16

hi there

firstly you have to change your mind set - you are not a victim - see yourself as one is a lie - n very covenient lie i might add...

sure you have problems but so do everybody els!

take responsibility for your body. heart and soul - it's no longer your mothers responsibility - she has clearly done her bit - listening when you need help and speaking about your weight problem and even getting some stuff

you have been for professional help and clearly it will not help because you don't want it to help, any diet will work if your mind it right yet nothing works for you - your mind once again not right.

you have to take charge and start disciplining yourself - i know it's not easy but worth it - take responsibility for your happiness my friend - you have your entire life ahead of you -
prove to your mom you are not victim - show her you appreciate her efforts - she loves you but can't fight this battle for you - you have to live your own life.

you are no victim!

take care

nina

Reply to lady nina

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