Posted by: peanut | 2005/07/06


I have been depressed since childhood
my life as a child was always one drama after another
my mother gave me no affection -she always shouted and stressed about everything - I was used as a weapon against my father - she always told me how much he didn't want me and thats why she would not let me visit him on weekends(while my 3 older siblings went to him)-I usually felt left out as the youngest , I was in the way , my older brothers would call me names and threaten to kill me or lock me in the bathroom at times - I did tell my mother about this but she just told me that she couldn't help me
I understand my father was a bad man - he drank & was diagnosed with bi-polar(which I only found out recently) he died when I was in standard eight - I never got to go to his funeral because my Mom & brother thought it would be a bad idea
I still have the sunken feeling in my chest that I have always had - I feel lost and rejected in this world
I have seen2 different therapists in the past - but I still feel weighed down with a feeling of not deserving anything - I still feel as if my family ignore me and my mother still sometimes insults me -although she wont admit it
at the age of 31 I am unemployed and although I am studying I still feel lost and confused
I feel as if the pain of the past is never going to leave me - I know all about forgiveness and moving on -but emotionally I cannot seem to move on
some days are OK and some are still bad but mostly I still feel as if I am weighed down
what can I do to free myself of this burden

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry that you haven't yet found the right therapist to enable you to free yourself from the burden you have unfairly absorbed by how badly you were treated as a child. If your family treats you badly still, ignore them and make genuine friends. And seek a good therapist, preferably one who practices Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy (CBT ), as this can really help you fairly rapidly, to move on and get to the happier part of life you are overdue to reach. As your dad had bipolar disorder, it is possible that you have also been burdened with at least a chemical Depression, which could respond well to medication

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: waterblom | 2005/07/06

Our background is almost the same and I know how you feel. Believe me, therapy and the right medication will make a world of difference. It won't cure what's wrong but it will help you deal with it.
Take care of yourself, you are the most important person in your life.
Best wishes.

Reply to waterblom
Posted by: Bean | 2005/07/06

You say that you are unemployed and still studying? Maybe it's time to get a job and if you can, study part time. If you're not already, get a place of your own/move out of the house if possible. Sometimes we are lose our way, and we need some vision/direction in life. Don't give up on the therapy. Get a good therapist (try and try until you find one). Maybe also a good idea to go to your doctor and ask him to screen you for depression - maybe some medication might be needed too. CS will give you good advice about that.

Reply to Bean

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