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Posted by: Elle | 2006/04/06

Depressed teenager who doesn't fit in

Hello!
I had a real eye opening conversation with my 18 year old daughter last night. She is so sad, doesnt want to go back to college to finish matric when it opens next term. Last yearseemed ok but she didnt make friends she saw outside college as they all bunk class, smoke, drink and take drugs, none of these my daughter does so they called her a nerd but still hung out with her at college. When she was awarded top student in her field of study for last year at an awards ceremony in January the rest of the kids wont go near her now. She told me she is alone all day with no one to talk to. I was devestated as she has always had friends. I want to contact the college for her to finish via correspondance as she refuses to go back. Is this the right thing to do, or must I force her to continue? Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

What I suggest is that you (and your daughter if she is willing to go) have a meeting with the college to discuss the problems and look for the way forward.

The solution may be correspondence, but she then runs the risk of being further isolated. Alternatively there may be others at the college who she gets on with rather than the people she is hanging around with who she can link in with.

The other alternative is to consider another college with a more academic foucs - or consider a school rather than a college where she may find that the other students are just as focused on work as her - especially in the matric year.

Whatever route she chooses it is imperative that she does finish her matric - these days you get nowhere without that qualification to start you off.

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Our users say:
Posted by: rose | 2006/04/26

ever thought of a different school? or perhaps try encouraging her to make friends with kids who are as devoted to their future as she is. someone who has the same interests and so on. just be there

Reply to rose
Posted by: Elle | 2006/04/13

Thank you to everyone that replyed, especially to Ann. Thanks Ann for the view from someone who has been in a similar situation. My daughter changed from a private school to this college for subject reasons and I cant change her again this close to finishing matric. It has always been her dream to go to Hotel School and she will be there next year but has to get matric first. am going to have a meeting with her at the college next week. Will let you know how it goes. She does do gym and has a very nice older boyfriend who treats her like a princess, so she does have positives in her life just the college situation seems unbearable.
Thanks again! Elle

Reply to Elle
Posted by: Z | 2006/04/11

I agree with Anonymous. Your daughter is simply TOO GOOD for these people. She needs to be around people of her own intelligence, interests and capabilities, not the scum of the earth she is obviously being forced to mix with at the moment. Get her out of the college. Get her to a proper facility with upper class people - like herself. It may cost you more, but sort something out. She will forever be gratefull to you.

Good luck. I had the same problem with my daughter, only she was not gifted like your's but absolutely sexy and gorgeous!! Even the female teachers victimised her!

Reply to Z
Posted by: Anonymous | 2006/04/08

PILLS??? What this child needs is a friend, not some anti depressant pills she could accidentally overdose on!!!!

Advice to the mom: Don't put her on any pills. Send her somewhere where she could make some healthy friends like a church function or something like that.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Ann | 2006/04/07

Hello Elle

I'm 16 years old and last year i had the same problem as your daughter. I know what's happening to her cause i've passed through it myself. I have to say that being good at school is nothing i feel proud of and that, same as your daughter i don't bunk class, i don't drink, i don't smoke and i don't take drugs. This is why some people find me boring or not interesting.

Just if it helps you, this is what i did:
In my case, i moved school. It has really helped me. In my ex-school (which was private and for rich a and opsh people, not my case, really) I didn't have friends and going there was something that frightened me, i was always nervous and stressed. I lost many kilos and i think it was due to this constant state of nervous. Now it's completely different. I'm not afraid of going to school anymore. Although i don't have many friends i do have someone to talk to, and what is more important is that i've realized that friends are constantly going and coming, but studies will remain all your life. So now i go to school much more relaxed thinking that probably i'm not going to find friends for life, but i'm going to build a good future for me.

I don't know, but in my opinion finishing matric via correspondance would affect in a negative way her marks. Going to college gives her a boost to study but, from the experience, i can tell you that at home you don't find this boost and you loose interest bacause you're not estimulated by other good students to make your best and get the higher marks you can.

Well, this is my opinion, but i can't decide for you. Maybe looking for an activity with other young people outside college would help her, something like theatre..

I hope this can help you.
Best wishes

Reply to Ann
Posted by: Sunrise | 2006/04/07

I must agree with Diddy on that one. People need some serious grammer and spelling education in their lives today. :)

As for your daughter Elle, she is a young adult, and it is her responsibility to finish her education. While you can give her a push or two in the right direction (or what you think is right, her opinion may have changed) it is still up to her to do the work. Don't call for her about correspondence. What does she think of that idea? If she likes it, rather have her call and ask about the options, and you can sit with her, but don't make the call for her. She needs to learn to be responsible for her own needs and wants and take action to get where she wants to be in life. (I'm not saying she doesn't do this already) Possibly she could talk to a docter or somebody about anti-depressants. If she's having a rough time her self-esteem may lower and her moods will be a little un-happy. (VERY un-happy) She may not need them, or if she does, it could be for a short time until she gets back to her old self again.

I hope she tries not to get so down because of the way things are going at her school. While it really shouldn't matter what people think of us, sometimes these things really hurt.

Reply to Sunrise
Posted by: diddy | 2006/04/07

Tyrique i agree with you.....but people also need an education, so they can read and write correctly....dontcha think>?

Reply to diddy
Posted by: tyrique | 2006/04/07

this is reli a sick world we arelivung in people need god ibn there lives

Reply to tyrique
Posted by: N | 2006/04/06

This just shows you the sick society we are living in today. Someone does well and wants to get somewhere, and théy become the outcast. Let her finish via correspondence, I think. Force her to go back, and she will eventually hate every moment and start rebelling against you. This is not an expert talking, but a mother. Good luck.

Reply to N

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