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Posted by: lil girl | 2004/11/27

depressed teen

My parents are really strict on me and lately it has become much worse to the point where I have become depressed and crying all the time. I get grounded very easily from things like not finishing my food (for a weekend) to not getting all A’s on my report (then I get grounded for a whole term and have no TV or phone privileges I addition to not being allowed to go out). I have a sister who is 18 (im almost 16) who is introverted and doesn’t like going out much and studies and gets excellent grades all the time and I am completely the opposite and my parents don’t understand that. My family is Christian and anything to do with sex is an absolute no-go and sin which I think is hypocritical since my parents lied to us about both being virgins on their wedding night I found proof so I know this for a fact. I once tried to bring it up but my parents reacted so rashly and I got such a shouting out that im to scared to talk to them about anything now. I know that she had a wildish childhood and my dad too and I know they want to protect me but it feels like they are trying to live through me.They have always been strict when it comes to things like going out like I am only allowed to date when im 16 and I wouldn’t even dare to ask if I could go to a party they even find it a big deal when I go to my best friend’s house who they have known for 5 years. It started getting bad when I got my first serious boyfriend, after we had been going out for three months he came over (we weren’t allowed to gout anywhere together and I wasn’t allowed at his house) and my sister caught us kissing and told my mother who proceeded to chase him out our house and I got grounded and shouted at when I tried to explain she was so mad she wouldn’t listen to reason and said if we were already kissing after 3 months what would I be doing after another month I tried to explain and even wrote her letters because she refused to listen to me every time I tried to talk to her. Then about a week later she found a little sex toy (he gave it to me for my birthday as a joke before we had started going out and I realize its wrong but I took it as a joke) she was looking for something in my room and totally invading my privacy but she didn’t care and again was so angry she was shaking and wouldn’t listen to a word I said and forbid me to ever see him again and if they found out I was still talking to him I would be kicked out. Then another week after that she found my diary and read it and it said things like I hate my parents and just because they never trusted themselves they don’t listen 2 me and how I wish I could understand their twisted minds and how I would probably sleep with my boyfriend just to show them that the more they try protect me the more they pushing me to do things they hate. She read it and told my father and he kicked me out the house but then h came back to fetch me. They threw me into the whole church scene which I was so out of it and messed up I just went along with it. I broke up with my boyfriend but he told me he would go through all this to be with me. We have been seeing each other secretly at shopping centers but I just don’t know how to deal with this. My parents don’t talk to me then they do then they don’t im not even allowed to walk around my block with my dogs. I know they have no reason to trust me but I wish I could make them see how much my boyfriend means to me and he has stayed with me for 8 months after this hole ordeal despite me telling him he can do better and be with other girls. I don’t know what to do because my sister even though she is older tells on me all the time for stupid things like not eating all my food at dinner or if I am mean to her about what she did to me. My parents refuse to listen to me and only listen to her and it feels like I am something they love but they try protect me so fiercely that it comes off harsh and unfeeling. I have tried everything from having my aunts try reason with them to writing them letters but nothing works. I try so hard to earn their trust and have in turn lost my personality I used to be such a happy person who loved nothing more than having fun and just being with my friends and boyfriend and now I just stay at home all day and I cry all the time and have completely lost my desire to see anyone. It has come to a point where I want to kill myself or even just pass out from to many pills just to make them see. What should I do because I do not want it to have to come to that?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi LG,
It'll be interesting to see ( after the weekend, when most readers will be back ) what other people think of the situation you describe. It sounds as if your parents probably are a bit too strict, but with all they hear and see of the dangers of the world today, one can understand their fears --- and its even worse when parents don't care at all. Sometimes they may seem to be hypocritical, when they're actually trying to get you to avoid mistakes they made. YOur sister sounds immature and spiteful. What would they think if you said you wanted to see a shrink or counsellor to work on the problems they have identified in your behaviour ? ( that way, it makes it harder for them to object --- and indeed these diferent perceptions of what is a "problem") ought to be part of what you'd discuss with a counsellor. Be cautious about your overdose idea --- apart from the obvious dangers to yourself, it'd surely also give them much sronger grounds for being even stricter, which is the exact opposite of what you want to achieve.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: d | 2004/11/27

please dont kill yourself that is not an answer that will solve your problem. you say your parents are christians, do you have the same faith? if you do please try praying and asking Jesus Christ to open your parents eyes so that they may see the pain they are causing you and that you would like a relationship based on trust and not mere fear with them. and that they may put their trust in God to protect you from the dangers of the world today and in so doing you can live in peace and harmony as a family. I sure will be praying for you! D.

Reply to d
Posted by: Lisa | 2004/11/27

Hi

I think your sister is really jealous of you - the fact that you say you enjoyed spending time out with friends while she 'prefers' to be at home. I used to be kindda like your sister - i say i prefer to stay home when actually i was just too scared to go out with people because of fear of rejection - she is used to being perfect in everyway. I'm not going to judge your sister but that is how I was. By pointing out the faults in others, made me feel more perfect and shifted the focus on someone else.

My family are Christian, in fact my dad is a full time Minister. (You would think that they are very strict) I have never been grounded before. We have a mutual understanding, they have taught me what is good and what is bad and that I have to make my own choices - It is strange because I feel so guilty when I do something that I know they will not like.

In their defence, if they have met your boyfriend and really feel that he is not good for you then I think that you should be direct and find out why exactly they are against him. Just remember that they have been around for a long time and they do not want you to have the 'wild' life that they had before they got married - because they do not want to talk about it just shows how ashamed they are.

Honest communication is always best because without it you will just be pushed futher and further away from them. Once you are honest with them, you will feel happier. I know your parents love you and want what is best for you. Just remember that you are your own person, that you have friends because you are who you are. Don't change who you are and don't even think of killing yourself - you have so much to live for. Just think, after school you can go to varsity and live your own life. Things will work out, you will see. Good Luck :-)

Reply to Lisa

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