Posted by: Lolli | 2009/04/13

Depressed please ugently help

Hi, I have been involved with my bf for 2 years and yes he' s been cheating and I believed he' s was gonna change now I' m in a deep end there is this woman he cheated me with and told me they broke up and he is sorry she is pregnant with his baby of which I am as well so 2 babies coming his way I' m in shock and cannot bear it. He told me the woman did abortion which is something I cannot confirm I booked for abortion as well but he is giving me hard time that I' m going to regret. Please advice!!!!

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Our expert says:
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Cheaters rarely change, and so long as you tolerate and "forgivee" their cheating, they haven't the faintest reason to want to change. You are describing a thoroughly selfish and irresponsible man, who should have no place in your life. Dump him. See a counsellor and sort out your own life, and move on. And re-read Kandice's sensible comments

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kandice | 2009/04/13

Hi Lolli,

I' m sorry to hear about your predicament.

Some men change, others don' t. Sadly it doesn' t sound like your boyfriend will change (he may under extreme circumstances) but think about it this way: why do you want to be with some one who is having unprotected sex with people? Maybe there are more ladies (that are pregnant by him) that he hasn' t told you about... Maybe there are more to come.

And what about STD' s, STI' s, Aids and HIV? There is an extremely high chance of him getting one or the other the way he' s carrying on. And he still sleeps with you? Where is the care for you? He could be passing all these on to you and he doesn' t care because he gets to get it on with other girls!!!

It it going to be hard for you, but you should seriously leave. Before it gets worse and worse and worse. Like I said, he may change, but from what you said, it is unlikely. But it' s good that you say you want to move on.

You are very lucky that there is a lot of support for single parents these days. The father could pay maintenance and other plans could be made and things will turn out OK. But DON' T stay with him just because of the baby. It will do non of you good. You could give the baby up for adoption. There are many families that have not been blessed with children, and many that just want to adopt than have their own. As for the abortion, it is purely your decision. Talking out of experience, you do get sad, it is worse for the first few years but then you learn to move on. You think about the milestones that you miss, but you remember that you had your reasons and NO ONE can judge you because they are not in your shoes. Some in my position kept the baby, but they were not in my shoes. If you don' t have the emotional support, the financial means or any support/help, then the abortion may be best (why let it suffer like that).

But it depends on YOU! If you want to keep it then keep it. Like I said, there' s lots of support out there. But don' t keep it because of whatever reason and resent it. Keep it out of LOVE for it.

I wish you all the best and remember no matter what you choose, it is for the right reasons and no one can judge you.

Reply to Kandice
Posted by: Lolli | 2009/04/13

I feel like I cannot take it anymore I wanna move on with my life but haven' t done abortion in my life and shaking I also cannot keep the baby I want to consider alternatives while still can than having to be a single parent or to stick because of the baby. I' m scared but managed to book it and really not in a good state at the moment.

Reply to Lolli

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