Our expert says:
one of the unfortunate side-effects of relative infertility, is that so easily one's life becomes focussed entirely on the issue of fertility and having kids, as if that was the sole purpose of life, rather than just one of its many possibilities. Having and raising children can be a marvellous privilge and (intermittently!) a pleasure, but it is not, and must not, be the only thing that can be considered as giving meaning to life. Indeed, if it WERE the sole meaning to life, we'd be a culture of breeder hens and battery chickens, producing more and more people, none of them doing anything except to produce yet more people. There are many things in life one can do and be, which produce profound satisfaction and great value to others, having childen being only one of them.
DO get involved in counselling, to understand your feelings better and to find better ways to adjust to the possibilty that you might not have children, and to explore alternative sources of meaning and value.
One of the other snags built-in to such a situation is that getting depressed and anxious and despairing about infertility ( a very natural and nunderstandable response ) in itself can lower one's fertility ; whereas people who deal with the psychological component of their situation may become more fertile. And it's remarkable how often one finds that a couple who give up on the struggle and adopt a child, not only find happiness with the adoption, but may actually go on to conceive in the regular way afterwards, when they've lost the stress of struggling for it.
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