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Question
Posted by: d | 2004/01/21

Degraded seeing ex or his now-wife after he cheated on me

U probably remember me, my ex boyfriend cheated on me, got engaged to this woman while we were still going out, broke it off with me, only telling me 4days later that he got engaged, and got married 3 weeks later to her. He was the first person I slept with, so I am finding it hard to get over the feelings of being used and tossed away. I never got closure, he just broke it off, saying that he never wants to get married, but in the meantime he got engaged to this person. And I have to deal with feelings of negativity, distrust and the rest.

I KNOW I was not in the wrong, but what can I do to stop feeling embarrassed, hurt, degraded, humiliated when I see either him, her or people who knew us as a couple, bcos he told me so many lies in my face, heaven alone knows what lies he told about me to people. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear d,
The sad fact of life is that really bad things happen, usually to really good people. But not all te time, fortunately. I'm pleased to hear that you're seeing a shrink to work on this and to set yourself free from the aftermath of this louse's bad behaviour. Remind ourself, whenever these bad feelings arise --- "it was HIS fault, I did nothing wrong, I can feel proud of how good I have been. " Feel sorry for the woman who has now ended as his wife. YOU know she cannot possibly rely on anything he says or promises, and that he's unlikely to be faithful to her. It is HIM who should feel ashamed when he sees you, not the other way round. And people who knew you as a couple will soon realize what a louse he is, and have no reason to think any the less of you. This episode has been a bad blow to your self-image, but work hard with your shrink, and you can emerge from this stronger than before.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: d | 2004/01/28

cleo, i am in pretoria.

thanks for replying to me.

Reply to d
Posted by: Cleo | 2004/01/27

D

In what town are you? I'll give you a telephone number to call. PLEASE GET BACK TO ME - sorry for delay in reply

Reply to Cleo
Posted by: d | 2004/01/22

what 'gets' me as well is that when I was with him, he didnt have alot of money and i still stayed with him, putting up with all that as well, and she's got him now when its obviously going better with him financially! she paid for the wedding,honeymoon,ring and his car. he used me sexually,financially,emotionally and just left me just like that not thinking that he did anything wrong.

Reply to d
Posted by: d | 2004/01/22

Thanks for your replies. How do I get over the hate for him as well, this does not sound good, but I want him to hurt as much as he hurt me.

If i knew the day he broke it off with me he already was engaged i would have shot him if i had the chance!this is not like me, but i need closure for these hurt feelings and i dont know how to get it.

Reply to d
Posted by: Lazandra | 2004/01/21

Honey, it was a horrible thing that happened to you. But the secret is to take this experience and turn it towards a more possitive light. You were a good and beautiful person and you still are! Nothing will ever change that. Next time be a little more cautious and careful. But don't stop your life because of a man. Move on and enjoy your life. Do something new each week. Just take each day as it comes. And YOU have no reason to feel humiliated. He should! You where the faithful one, you loved him and was honest with him. So honey you have no reason to worry about what others think of you. Because you havn't done anything wrong!

Reply to Lazandra
Posted by: d | 2004/01/21

people keep saying GET OVER it, i cant, i just wish i can get over this betrayal.
tx for your postings

i am seeing shrink now, cant take it anymore. i was a good person, i did nothing to deserve what he did to me! why did it have to happen!

Reply to d
Posted by: R | 2004/01/21

I think you should go for conselling to deal with all those issues, unlike trying to process the whole problem on your own it will destroy you. Seek counselling and try to remain strong. As for that guy I think he is a selfish person. I feel sorry for the wife as I think he will hurt her too one day.

Reply to R
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/01/21

dear d
Let them be - all the good people that knew the two of you will eventually realise waht scum he is. there is no reason or need to feel the way you do, just let it go. You did nothing wrong, I suggest you go on with your life, he betrayed your trust and hurt you, I am sorry just let it go

Reply to Juzlisen

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