Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2007/12/07

Definition Emotional Abuse-For Accussed

Hi there,

I hope "Accussed" reads this, this is just to explain what emotional abuse is, perhaps you are guilty but don't realise it is abuse.

The definition is: "humiliates you, ignores you, swears or shouts at you".

I think most people don't realise what emotional ,verbal or psychological abuse is, just raising your voice to your wife is emotional abuse, if you tell her she cannot do something correct, she is perhaps stupid and you end up telling her she doesn't know what she is doing, swearing at her, calling her names, this is abuse. When you try to stop her from committing suicide, that is great, but did you perhaps say something, not intentionally to push her towards suicide, have you ever told her you want out, threatened to leave her, anything like that, to her maybe it is too much and her way out is suicide, maybe she can't cope with loosing you, even if she isn't loosing you, her perception is, she is.

If she asks you something and you do not answer her, this is a form of abuse and she feels unwanted, that she is not good enough for you to respond to her. If you are with friends and she taps you on the shoulder to ask you something and you brush her aside, or say not now, that is a way of ignoring someone and can be interpreted as abuse. Depending on how often it occurs it is abuse.

I have been involved in more than one abusive relationship and maybe even my perceptions are wrong, but I again tend to draw the wrong type. It hurts when someone constantly tells you, you can do nothing right. It hurts when you are called names and sworn at, it hurts to be ignored and to be threatened in anyway, even if the threat is maybe not meant. I have attempted suicide myself and been hurt by the person trying to stop me, but it was my way of coping with the perceived or real abuse. My abuse was real as more often than not it went over to physical and I don't mean trying to stop me from committing suicide, I mean punching, tying me up, things breaking around me, shouting, screaming, so much noise, so much pain.

Anyway, I hope the explaination helps and if you have done any of the above, even if you did not mean it, she has probably been in a bad situation before and taken it the wrong way, you need to talk to her and go for councelling together to resolve the issues and by the way, if you love her you will take the time to try to help her and ultimately yourself.

Just another comment, my ex doesn't believe he ever abused me, but he took advantage of me in more ways than one and destroyed me by calling me dreadful things (hoermate, slet, p..., etc) and according to him I have slept with half the world and I haven't, he broke my nose, puched my ears purple and black, hit me to the ground and so forth as well as kicked my car doors in, broke my kitchen cupboard, damaged my fridge, etc. and spent my money as if it was his own with no intention of helping me when things got tough, even raped me, took me against my will, if I said no, he just carried on. (Find out if your wife hasn't perhaps had anything similar happen to her and now she is combing you under the same comb)

CS, Sorry, today I am having a difficult day and wanted to explain abuse so that guys and gals alike can understand how they hurt the one they are supposed to love.

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Our expert says:
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Thanks for putting your point of view so clearly, I'm sure it will be helpful for others to read

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