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Question
Posted by: dine | 2006/11/07

decisions on separation - when to leave

For Susan Erasmus:
How and when do you deicded to separate - had realtionsip for 16 years BUT only one brings in income. The other at home,
older, hard to find work/job or does not push. Have tried every avenue possible to help keep heads above water - now loaded with debt. taken on too much debt to keep roof & relationship
going - love the person dont really want to leave - but seems no other option - but if to survive to get out and start making it on own
would feel miserable. love the person but reached end of your tether - what do you do?... can they survive without you? You dont know which way to turn - before the law starts in on you and your credit . situation draging down - Please help .
do you leave or dont you leave.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/11/07

I think financial reasons are quite a shallow reason to leave a relationship.

If you love him and have been together for 16 years and he has treated you well, and helped to contribute to the household when he could, then I'd say stick with him and see this thing through together.

If, however, he has always been lazy and expected you to be the sole provider over long periods of time and hasn't made an effort to change the situation you're both in, and leaves you holding all the burden, then I think it's time to say "each man for themself"

Before opting out, maybe you can find ways to motivate him into getting any kind of work. Even if the pay is little or he sees it as "beneath him" - once he starts making a contribution to the home, then perhaps he'll start feeling better about himself, and will get into a more positive way of thinking in general and the situation will improve.

Also, think about ways of paying off the debt - it's hard to give advice when the full extent of the problem isn't known, but so often we get so worried about what might happen, and how bad it will be when the debt collectors arrive, yet, much of the time the worst case scenario never really happens. And alot of the time, the energy it takes to keep thinking about all the possible worst case scenarios, could be used in a more positive way, to find different solutions to the problem at hand.

Whatever you decide, I wish you everything of the best - I am sure it will all turn out fine in the long run!

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/07

start working together to eliminate debt if that means moving into a little flat until the debts are sorted then so be it. if there is still love then there has to be a way to work it out you just need to figure it out. go see a financial advisor and findout how to get rid of debts. thing is you can leave but the debts dont dissapear. you take them with and coz you are the only bread winner you take all the debts as well as stand the chance of getting sued for maintanace for the partner coz they are unimployed. rather downscale and partner find a job, working at a supermarket is better than being homeless. once you have given that option and still want to leave then fine but you will still have the debt at least now you have someone to help you through it emotionally.

Reply to kat

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