Posted by: Mel | 2012/03/16

Decision to be made

My husband and I are sitting with a dilema and the more we try and work it out the more we are getting depressed. We have been married for 8 years (2nd marriages). 2 years ago we decided to build our retirement house in Western Cape and I moved to manage the building of the house and he stayed behind in Joburg because of his work. After the house was finished I went back to Joburg and worked again for nearly a year but picked up so much stress from working and living there. I moved back to our house 8 months ago but am very worried about my husband. He comes to visit every 2nd weekend but it is getting more costly and time consuming with transport to the airport, flight times etc. His work is getting more demanding and he is studying as well so he is not getting proper meals and exercise because there is no time. He nearly had a breakdown 2 weeks ago from all the pressure. He will be seeing a pschologist next week. I don''t know if I should just move back to Joburg to be with him because we really miss each other and 2 weeks just seems lke a lifetime these days. The problem is if I go back there is so much disruption because we have to lock our house with everything we own and live with the little bit of belongings that he has in Joburg. We also have pets who are like kids to us which restricts finding a place because the decent places don''t want people with pets although mine are small and lie on the couch the whole day. He cannot afford to retire soon because we still have to pay he bond. We thought we could do this long distance marriage but it is not easy. We are not focussing at the moment so could you please suggest some way we can work this out that will work for both of us.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I agree with Maria and Romany.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mel | 2012/03/19

Thanks for the advice from Cybershrink, Maria and Romany. I was thinking along the same lines and now have to plan the move back to Gauteng. As for Obivous your response really upsets my husband and I because when we decided to have our pets we undertook a life time commitment to look after them and that is exactly what we will do. I am sure we will find a place in Jhb where people will not mind having our pets on their property. In case you didn''t know, each pet has it''s own personality so we will not even contemplate getting rid of them.

Reply to Mel
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/17

I agree with Maria and Romany.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/16

Never put the welfare of animals before yr husband.Pets are 10 a penny a good man is hard 2 find.............

Also it is easier to find new homes for animals than a second hand husband unless he has a large bank account or looks like George Clooney.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Romany | 2012/03/16

The answer is simply, you got married to be together.
He needs to be in JHB to earn money so that is where you too need to be.
If he can find a job in the Western Cape, then that is where you should both be.
Living apart kills a marraige, believe me.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Maria | 2012/03/16

Your husband clearly needs your physical presence and day to day support and help. So either he must find a job close to your home, or you have to move back to Jo''burg even if it means renting out or even selling your Western Cape house. I know that''s not what you want to hear, but that''s the way the situation looks to me.

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