Posted by: Iggy | 2007/05/24

Deciding on a Divorce

My wife just gave me a letter saying in effect that she will keep on seeing her lover regardless of how I feel about things and has asked me to go into a platonic relationship with her for the sake of the kids (2 of hers from a previous marriage and 1 of our own)

Besides that the proposal is completely selfish, I indicated to her last night that I would not accept or survive that kind of arrangement and we agreed that she would get a month to sort her shit out and make a long term decision.

She is feeling some (not lots) guilt about what the children may have to go through and even told me not make her seem the 'bad guy' by letting the children know about the continuing relationship (we told them the situation last week) but obviously not enough for her to stop.

For the sake of my son (and to some extent the others) I hope to resolve this but chances of that are almost none.

She was a lovely woman and has now turned into a selfish, destructive monster who is being played like a puppet by her lover.

What do I do? I dont want to rush into divorce proceedings but I am not being treated fairly so how long is long enough?

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Our expert says:
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What a monstrously cheeky and selfish proposal ! She truly wants to have her cake and eat it, too. How dare she ask you not to make her the bad guy --- she has already made herself the bad guy --- why should you lie about that ? Agreeing with her awful proposal will not in any way benefit the children, nor you. Do consult a good local lawyer so that you will be ready, knwoing your options, when she responds to your perfectly reasonable ultimatum.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Southern Write | 2007/05/24

What a bitch and what about your life are you not allowed to move on, or meet someone that you would like to marry - tell her its not on - I gave my wife 3months to sort herself out and come with for counselling - end result was divorce and she got the kids BUT today she reaps what she sowed absolutely hell and the kids are more the wiser - tell her to duck and you will see things will sort them selves out - Good Liuck my man

Reply to Southern Write
Posted by: ME | 2007/05/24

Iggy, I know how you must be feeling, I also stayed in my marrage for the sake of the kids while he was having an affair with another girl. I stayed in the marrage for 6 years hoping and praying things will change but it didn't. I did file for a divorce at the end of the day and haven't regretted my desicion, it was difficault in the beginning I got soule custody of the kids and I today we are very happy and proud of what we have achieved without him. Its not worth staying in the marrage, the kids will addapt better than what you think. Good Luck!

Reply to ME
Posted by: Iggy | 2007/05/24

Am I doing the right thing in waiting for that month and what do I need to do to get custody of my child?

Reply to Iggy
Posted by: RMC | 2007/05/24

What sort of an example does that set for the children? That it is okay to use the people that love you?

I agree with Sg

Also don't know how she can expect you to agree to that, it is just plain adultery. Why must you drop your standards for her? Tell me - say she wants to step things up with her lover? Will he move in there as well and you and he will be nothing short of her concubines? You need to get out. I think she does not really want this as she cares about the children - but because she wants it all for herself.

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Sg | 2007/05/24

Living in a loveless marriage with shouting/arguing etc will do your children no good (nor yourself).You need to decide whether there is really any chance here and she also needs to stop her affair so you can work on things together.
By the looks of things,she is trying to keep her bread buttered on both sides.I'm sorry but it looks like you need to make some serious decisions (soon) and possibly move on.
It will be hard for you and your kids but they deserve better and so do you.

Reply to Sg

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