Posted by: mowzy | 2009/02/03

death of child

Good Day

My fiance and I had twins to years ago and they lived for 9 and 13 days respectovely and passed away. We both went to a few counselling sessions but I am not ok and I dont think he is either. we are not breaking down or anything but its a sad thing to both of us still .He is looking for answers and I am feeling quite guilty abouth their passing. I had 3 abortions some years before I had them. I planned to be pregnant with them so was quite hurt when they did not survive. My fiance cant bond with other children and when we r with friends will often ask why their children are healthy. he does not know about the abortions as they are from a previous relationship. what do i do?

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Our expert says:
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Counselling is a good idea right now. THe complex effects of grief may show themselves a year or two later, and not necessarily immediately after the loss. Intellectually, it's easy for you to realize that you are not responsible for their deaths, and had no such intention --- but emotionally, one may still feel guilty, and counselling can help you to deal with this. See a counsellor for yourself ( FAMSA can help you find a good one nearby ) and maybe invite your fiancee to join you in some sessions, once you have sorted out your own main issues

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: mowzy | 2009/02/04

Sam seeing as you are without sin then go ahead and rub salt in the wounds. does it make you feel better? I have spoken to God and asked for forgiveness and He has forgiven me so who are you? Thanks to those that understand and respect my choices and not judging me like Sam has

Reply to mowzy
Posted by: Jehaan | 2009/02/04

no comment to Sam and Dudette, neither of you knew what this woman has been through and WHY she has chose to do the 3... YOU are not to judge and I am sure she beats herself up about that very often. Yes- I am against abortions, but it was her choice.
Mowzy- play open cards with your man and tell him the truth, no relationship can be build on things as huge as this, that they are hidden. Where is the trust.
Maybe have yourself checked out and FIND out if the abortion has anything to do with the babies death, if it is- Please rather opt for adoption and spare yourself and your man the pain of loosing more babies.
Good luck.

Reply to Jehaan
Posted by: Dudette | 2009/02/04

I' m with Sam on this one! And has nothing to do with religion as I' m not a religious person at all.

Reply to Dudette
Posted by: Sam | 2009/02/04

But seriously 3 abortions!!!
I' m totally stunned, I mean one you can say ok that was an accident, this that and the other.I wouldn' t judge.Then a second time. well then ill say that is very irresponsible since you know what happened the first time so she should' ve been extra careful but then the third time... No I totally do not have any words for that.
Is that not called stupidity or do you just not believe in contraception.Or just not educated ...
You killed not one not two but THREE babies!
Shame on you and im not a religious nut or anything of the sort.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: slr | 2009/02/04


you should know by now that if you post on this site, then the religious nutcases will insult you no end.

Rather see a qualified therapist and stay away from sites like these where the God Squad will preach doom and gloom, nonstop.

Reply to slr
Posted by: ??? | 2009/02/04

Sam that is not fair. I know many women that had several abortions and are now blessed with healthy babies. I even know of a women that had about 2 abortions and now she has healthy twins that are 8 years old. Mowzy I dont know what you are going through but please have Faith!! and God bless!!!

Reply to ???
Posted by: Lou | 2009/02/03

Sam that was so uncalled for! Your post should be deleted. How dare you say God would do something so cruel.

Reply to Lou
Posted by: Sam | 2009/02/03

Maybe that is Gods way of punishing you for the 3 previous abortions...

Reply to Sam

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