Posted by: BI | 2009/08/31

death divorce moving

Hello, I' m Bipolar and a recovering alcoholic. 60days sober today!! Yeah!! I' m ok tho, just struggling a tiny bit.
So my friend Alcohol has died.
I got divorced last year and,
I' ve moved 3 times since then. (most recently this past weekend)

I' ve got a sneaky suspicion that my BF is screwing me around. And I used to get these nagging feelings with my ex-husband only to discover that he was indeed screwing me around all the years we were married. And now this " nagging"  feeling has returned.
My BF did say he wanted to take a step back and only be " friends with benefits"  because since giving up alcohol I have been on a rollercoaster ride - adjusting to a sober lifestyle, and I' m working through the ' kinks'  which, I believe from AA is normal, and it will take a while.

What I think is that the rollercoaster excuse might be an excuse for him wanting to see other people. He won' t say it but I can feel it. Feel it like I used to with my ex-Hubby. I just wish they could be honest with me, instead of leading me to believe that things are / will be ok between us.

I' m hurt and I can' t tell him this. Because he won' t say anything and I have no proof, I' m also not looking for proof... I' ll let go if I have to... and maybe I should.
I don' t want this jealousy bug to eat me up like it did in my marriage, a whole 10 years of my life.

It' ll hurt to let go and I really really don' t want to because I really do like him and he' s been a super support system. Is it ok to base a ' move'  like this on my instincts. what I think my instincts are, considering I' m currently undergoing the relative instability of Bipolar (although I am religiously on my meds), the change in lifestyle with no alcohol and with moving to a new area...
Basically, are these feelings my soul trying to tell me something that it knows and I don' t, or is it that my feelings are in turmoil now anyway because of al the changes occuring right now?

What should I do? I despise this feeling inside. I don' t want this jealousy again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Many happy returns of sobriety and stability. Remmber that our coping capacity is strained by the number of challenges we met in a year, including good as well as bad ones --- so losing a job AND winning the lottery are both stresses which would add to each other in challenging us. And you are working through a number of real and significant changes this year. I think these changes are making you feel insecure and somewhat pessimistic
Some people wouldn't recognize an intuition if it bit them on the ankle ; but those of us who are intuitive have a different problem. We are not infallible, and can't always be sure hich of our intuitions to trust. And when we get into a situation reminiscent of an earlier occasion when our intuitions were RIGHT, we tend to rather reflexly have the same intuition even if not for such good reasons, and to assume that : "here we go again"
You're responding to a possibility, a suspicion, as though it were a certainty, and this certainty may spring as much from your lowered self-esteem as from any actual likelihood that he is losing interest to a significant extent.
Have you discussed all this with your shrink ( the one dealing with your bipolar problems ) so as to aim to slow and smooth out the roller-coaster effect ? Would your bf be interested in some sessions of couples counselling ? Not to glue you together, but to enable you each to better understand the relatonship and how such things work ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Rick | 2009/09/01

Probably best if you remain outside a relationship for now while you are recovering from the booze. Well done and congrats on your 60 day at a time!!

Maybe you need to sort out yourself first and find out what you really want in life, then possibly look for a relationship.


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