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Question
Posted by: ciska | 2003/12/08

dear doc,

We are aware of contraceptives and I've been on it for almost 9 months now. I know exactly what is happening with his money, cause we are working out a budget every month to see where everything is going and what we have left. We do everything together and there is nothing to discuss together. We are aware of our problems. I just needed some advice on the matter and someone to talk to which is a profesional in handling other's problems.

I just needed compassion.

Regards.

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Our expert says:
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Dear Ciska, Compassion involves using one's intelligence, as well as one's heart, and my response was a sincere one to the situation exactly as you described it. Your concerns are still rather mysterious. If you've been on effective contraceptives for 9 months now, is it likely that you're pregnant ? ( Stress and worry, from whatever origin, for instance, can affect the menstrual cycle, too). In your first question, you described yourself on a small salary paying the rent, and he with a presumably considerably larger salary not carrying equal weight --- it's good to hear that the burdens financially are indeed more fairly shared than you implied in your first message. If you have indeed discussed this fully together, you have not suggested to us what his views and feelings are ; you spoke only of your own feelings, which make it very logical to assume that you still needed to discuss the prospect of a baby more fully with him.
Don't snap at me, or anyone else, if you don't get the response you expect, especially when your message is brief and highly ambiguous. You didn't really clearly ask for advice on any specific question ( and indeed you still haven't ) ; and you didn't ask for "compassion". Maybe if you were better able to clarify and communicate what you expect and hope for from other people, you'd get more of whatever it is you're expectng.

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