Posted by: Voyeur | 2005/11/23

Dear CS, Regulars & Anyone with some advise

I have been an avid reader on this forum for about 6 weeks, thus the nickname (although the true meaning of the word does not apply). I chose not to post anything in the hopes that I would get answers from reading everyone elses postings and the advise given. Some postings make what I feel seem trivial to what others are going through. There are so many of you that share so much and show so much compassion for's quite touching to know there are complete strangers always willing to advise and share experiences.
I am 31, female, married with finally to wonderful children. I was the type of person who didn't let much get me down until recent and have no idea why. 5 months ago, when I finally realised I had a problem..getting depressed for no apparent reason I opted to go for natural therapy, trying to avoid having to take medication. It has helped certain aspects of my life, helping me come to terms with things but 4 weeks ago I hit a low that I couldn't get out of. This lead to me going to my GP for meds -Cipralex 10mg it has made me alot calmer but seem to have hit a serious low again. Over the last five years I have gone through alot: I have had 2 miscarriages (both exactly a year apart), failed fertility treatment, failed "artificial" incemination, the loss of my 3 day old niece, the sudden loss of my best friends mother, the near loss of my premature nephew, the news that my brother & his young son were HIV positive, only to find out a month later the labs made a mistake, the loss of my dearly loved dog, watched my father pass away, watching a good friend having to deal with the loss of her son and ex husband, the loss of my best friends dad too and finally a relative trying to take her life twice in a short space of time.
I thought that I had dealt with everything but I am now wondering if I haven't actually..or maybe it's because I haven't had a full nihts sleep in 2 and a half years (since conceiving my dauhter) or is it PND?
I just want to know how to snap out of the lows that I get into and cannot seem to come to terms with how I am feeling. I have always had control over my emotions but now THIS seems to be out of my control. It is not who I am, it is not what I am about but yet I feel as though it's trying to take over and I am getting tired of it. I just want to know how to snap out of it?

If you have taken the time to read this posting...I thank you and would greatly appreciate any form of response

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Voyeur,
Nice to hear from you directly at last ! Gosh, but you have had far more than any fair share of stresses and losses on your plate recently, so it's hardly surprising that you are Depressed. A psychiatrist would be better able to help you than a GP, especially if he/she can add CBT style counseling to whatever antidepressant you take. The combination is more powerful, and CBT paticularly would help you to understand better how you are dealing with all these cvhallenges, and help you to find a diferent way of seeing and deciding about them, which would not lead into necessary depressions. It DOES help one to gain a useful degree of control over one's emotions

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Friend | 2005/11/24

Sorry to hear about your losses. I really feel for you. What you need right now is to balance out all the negativity with positivety.

Firstly you need to take up an interest or hobby, something you've never done before but always wanted to do. Yes, I know you don't feel like nor have the energy to do anything right now, but please, trust me, it will work.

Do something like painting, pottery, joining a dance or guitar class or doing volunteer work at a welfare organisation.

Get yourself a good multivitamin like Supradyn recharge. At this stage, you are actually burnt out emotionally, too much stress has drained you completely.

Finding happiness is like finding yourself. You don’t find happiness, you make happiness. You choose happiness. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and paving the way to happiness by doing what brings YOU the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run.

I think of you during this difficult time. Hang in there - Friend

Reply to Friend
Posted by: Dude | 2005/11/24

ey ,

it sounds like alot 2 digest an maybe uz jus dealin wif a past cause it neva jus disolves into a glass of water ...

besides em medical stuff that elps uz cud focus on eatin ealthy an also workin out, its proven that a good work out makes uzz brain juice appy an that cud elp if uz not into medicine...


Reply to Dude
Posted by: V | 2005/11/24

You cannot and should not "snap" out of it. Very terrible things have happened to you and you should not put any more unnescessary pressure on yourself to snap out of it. Give yourself grieving time, and time to deal with the other difficulties you have experienced. Do you have someone to talk to, to confide in, then start talking or otherwise go see someone. And really i dont know how much your husband is involved with every day chores but maybe you can ask him to do a bit more now and then to give you some time to relax or do something you want. Dont give up, hang in there, things can only go down up to a point and it will start going up again. be strong, you have a lot to deal with, give yourself that time to deal with it.

Reply to V
Posted by: Tango | 2005/11/23

Hi there, your mail is punctuated with the word 'loss' over and over again. You have suffered a lot in a relatively short space of time. The books say if your mood is down for longer than 2 weeks you could be depressed. Depression is often un diagnosed. I always believe, rightly or wrongly I do not know and would like CS input, that anti depressant medication without some therapy is not enough. Together they will help to lift you out this down period.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/23

I am so sorry to hear the difficulties you have faced.... there is no way anybody can just "snap out" of it... you've been through so much, and any caring, kind person is going to be thrown off course from that.........

The fact that you are not getting decent sleep doesn't help either. Sleep deprivation on its own can cause depression... and so, with you coping with all these things on top of it, it's no wonder that you feel depressed....

The Cipralex on it's own might not do the trick... although it should help the lows not be as low as it could have been.... i really think you should go for some counselling as well... you need to be able to talk about all these things that have affected you, and the therapist will also help you with finding ways to cope emotionally with all the loss.

Lots of warm wishes are being sent your way....

Remember that no matter what you feel now, it's temporary... and with a little bit of effort from yourself and some extra support from this forum, you can feel better before you know it.........

I am sure that just writing about your experiences has been somewhat therapeutic.......

Reply to ...
Posted by: Aletta | 2005/11/23

Dear V, I fully agree with Buzz. Of course you would feel down after all that you have been through! It would be superhuman not to.
Not sleeping well does affect our wellbeing - can you make a plan to get a good night's sleep every now and again? You are probably also not able to have any time for yourself for a little R&R as well as exercise, even if it is just a long walk? Use every form of support available to you to get a break every so often.
You need to look after yourself, you have been through a terrible time and need to get well again.
Good luck, and come to the forum when things get rough, CS and the others are a great support group!!

Reply to Aletta
Posted by: twink | 2005/11/23

wow, i'm sorry to hear you've gone through such a rough time. i'm sure it's safe to say that not alot of other people can relate to what you're going through, which makes it hard to give advice.

although i can say that no matter what, there will always be people here to lend an ear, and to pick you up if you need a little boost.

keep your chin up. it's only natural to feel the way you do. everything happens for a reason. sounds lame, but it's true. after all the lows, think of all the highs. you have a beautiful daughter, i'm sure, let her be your high.


Reply to twink
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/23

If a quarter of the things that happened to you, happened to me, I would have been severely depressed. I'm sorry to hear about all the trauma and pain you've experienced. Of course it will affect you. CS will give you good advice about treatment.

You should consider a long holiday, and if you can't, arrange to have a night-nurse over weekends at least, to give you a good nights' sleep. Make time to exercise at least three times a week, if you can't, go for a brisk walk every day (at least 20 minutes). Seeing a counsellor will definetely help you deal better with all these painful events. Good luck, let us know how you're doing.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/23

Dear Voyeur, you sound like you are at the end of your tether. Been there many a time, so I know how you feel. And I hear what you are saying. You have been to your doctor, got the medication, but it does not stop the thought process. Let me tell you how I have, not overcome, but conquered my demons. And that is exactly what it is, demons. I got myself into such a mental state that I really did not know which way was up. I then DECIDED, yes, decided that enough was enough. No longer would I dwell on the bad things in life, no matter what they where, but focus instead on the good. It is extremely difficult and will take a lot of energy out of you, but it is oh so worth it.

Each morning, when you open your eyes, before any other thought can come into your head, you must make the decision to enjoy the day to the fullest, come what may. And continue to reinforce that throughout the day. You will find it hard, but very worthwhile.

You will have your downs, just like anyone else, but they won't be quite as bad as time goes by. I believe it is a conscious decision that only you can make.

I hope that this is of help to you and I really wish you all the strength that you will need. Good luck

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/23

shoe, So much happened to you....
Sorry to hear about all your losses.

Reply to Delene

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