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Posted by: CP Mom | 2008/05/22

Dear Andi aka Mistress

I read your post and would like to say to you that mistresses NEVER WIN....

I was a mistress (you do know what it stands for hey? it's a thing that's between the Mr. and the matress!) for over 3 years...by the time I found out that he was not as "seperated" as he said he was i loved him and it was to late.

For all this time every 4 or 6 months he would leave me and go back to his wife "he missed his kid" then he'd come back and and and i cannot tell you the hurt i went through.

Eventually his wife moved town and left him - just dissapeared and jippeeeeeeeeeee i had him to myself, I was so glad until 6 months later I found out about the indian girl he was having sex with. Then i realized no matter how I love this man HE DOES NOT LOVE ME! and i ended it.

I even had family and friends asking how many times must this man hurt me before I learn...and i'd say until its enough...as i thought i had no control.

You sound like me in the sence that as soon as i listened to him he would change my mind and i'd take him back. This time I changed my cell number and i moved from where i stayed. I also told the receiptionist to scan my calls and on the times he did get through i'd just put the phone down. Not even listening to one word, because i knew if i did he'd convince me again!

If he sent gifts or flowers i'd send them on to the indian or later his sister - one day he realized and he stopped. I moved to jhb and after 2 years ran into him at Lusito Land, my heart nearly dropped out my chest, i was sweaty and out of breath, my current partner said that he'd never seen me so flustered and in a state. That day i realized that I truely did love him and that i will never love like that again and I never have. I loved him and I will never get over him BUT that what i did was the right thing and that i derseve more etc etc etc.

Sometimes your love for someone else is just not enough.

You can do it girl!

I always said that if i can just have one day that i do not think of him, if i can just not think of him when I wake up and not think of him as my last thought when I go to bed...and you know what - one day came and i realized i did not think of him yesterday....and as time goes by you get better.

You don't stop loving him but the hurt gets better.

Even today if I hear "our" song then I think of him.....cant help it BUT ja...thats about the only times i now think of him.....(it's been 7 years)

I hope this helps you a liittle.

You will get there. I did. Lots of us did. But one thing you have to realize is that mistressed DON'T have "happy ever afters"....you cannot build your happyness on someone elses unhappyness.

Good luck

Love Mom

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Our expert says:
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Is slightly mad a member of that pop group Semi-Sane ?
But Andi, choosing to sit around listening to the songs he liked is deliberately soaking yourself in regret and sadness, and delaying your chances of getting over it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/23

lol....too true

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/23

V- ek stem soooooooooooooo met jou saam !

Ja G (my boyfriend) se altyd wat se mens vir iemand wat jou vrou gesteel het ?

D A N K I E !

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/23

V's posting:


I would like to know why the 3rd party always gets the blame. Seems like the unfaithful bastard of a husband is always the innocent little victim.

How many married men are on datesites chatting up single women? then they get involved with you only to tell you after weeks that he is actually married but in the process of divorce. Not even to mention that they dont wear their wedding rings at work. Usually when women find out about the poor man being very much married she turns away from him, only with him running after her making promises telling her how she cannot dump him through the divorce with his wife as he needs someone.

and that is why these bastards have the one affair after the other becuase their wifes always takes them back, and they dont care what pain they inflict either to the wife or the other woman.

Dont hate the other woman, hate your husbands, i have never seen a mistress holding a gun against his head to have an affair with him, its his duty to tell other woman to p/off and to stay loyal to his wife. when he fails to do so, beat him to a pulp not the "other woman".

Eventually when the other woman ends up with this married bastard the wife shouldnt cry, she should be glad as it is the mistress who wins the boobie prize.
Date: 23/5/2008

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/23

Andi

Make a list off all the kak and of all the good and you will see...my list was 6 for good an over 60 for bad.....it was scary.

V - ek sal gaan kyk.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: V | 2008/05/23

CP MOM gaan lees my posting op die vorige post

Reply to V
Posted by: Andi | 2008/05/23

Wow, I must say you are courageous to meet the two other women in his life, in my case i asked him a while ago if he told his wife about me since he claimed to be so serious about "US", he said he was waiting for the divorce to go through smoothly so she wouldn't have a reason to contest it I believed him. I am so angry at him and myself, I asked him why he didn't just be honest with me from the very beggining that he was not divorced, I feel it's some kind of fraud he ripped me off my time and a place in my heart, he never wore a ring, he says he never has (i don't know how true that is) thinking back there's just so many things that make no sense, he claimed he didn't love his wife and that they got married after she was pregnant, did he even love me? I guess not, I wish i never see him again

Reply to Andi
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/23

Andi - I only do when i read or hear about mistresses or when I hear that song. Not otherwise. It's going to take a long, long time. I use to even in the car see a car like his and my heart would skip a beat thinking maybe it's him.....But all that does go away but it takes a long long time.

As hard as it is to believe now it will eventually get better. And just think of one thing how would you ever be able to trust him ? how long before he cheats on you ?

Funny enough after I left him "finally" his wife who had left him over 6 months ago contacted me and she wanted to talk to me...I then phoned the indian lady and said she must join us. You wont believe how the 3 of us got along! After a bottle of wine we realized that we are actually nice girls and we like each other and all the things he use to tell me his wife did like throw his food in the basin and and he told the indial lady about me and you will not believe hou we laughed at the stories.

I use to think my and his love was unique that we were soul mates that what we had was special until this meeting when we learnt that it was all "lines" that he used!

Like for instance when we danced he use to say to me "look how people look at us, they can see we fit and are in love" ha ha that time it was the most special thing ever and when his wife told me but THATS EXACTLY WHAT HE USE TO SAY WHEN WE WENT OUT i realized that there was nothing special...nothing at all... you know how it hurts to learn that YOU are not as special as you thought?

yes its nice to laugh at how he "created" a fight with his wife to meet you it aint so nice to be told remember that day ? well we had a valentine's date and thats why he said his mom is sick.....

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/23

cp mom, i was wondering the same thing as "just wondering" y mention the girl was indian???

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Carla | 2008/05/23

Andi - just take it one day at a time. And a few years from now, I promise you, you will think about this time, be proud that you got through it and you will be glad that you escaped from it all. Thinking back about what happened to me, I still think that what I had with the married ex, was possibly as close to the perfect relationship as possible. Like CP Mom I do not think I will ever feel about anybody quite like I felt about him and when I hear certain songs or go places I miss him. But the thing is - what we had was never a real relationship and real life and its daily problems was never part of it. The times that we spent together were great but it we did not have to deal with general life things like money and kids and house chores and friends etc. For a few hours it was just us, and it was perfect. All of that changes when you begin a real life with this man. Then you only become the wife who nags in his ears. Just stay strong and know that you are doing the right thing. Be proud of yourself.

Reply to Carla
Posted by: Andi | 2008/05/23

Yeah I know the song,my ex (before him)used to sing me that song, in his not so good voice LOL but it always brought a smile to my face.Well, my wound is still very fresh but at least i've stopped lieing to myself and i realise that i can never have what i want in this relationship, i have wasted two years of my life, i can't afford to waste any more time, i am still young, i need to recover from this and move on with my life. CP Mom do you mean you still think about him to this day?

Reply to Andi
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/23

Hi Andi, do you know the Bon Jovi song Bed of Roses ? Not being alone doesnt mean you won't be lonely...i can sit in a room full of people and still miss or think of him!

Girl just take it one dat at a time one day

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Andi | 2008/05/23

It's almost 24 hours, thank goodness i didn't pick up the phone to call him, i made it through the night, he still crossed my mind but i drowned myself in work for hours until i fell asleep, I don't regret leaving it's painful but worth it. luckily i don't have to spend the weekend alone moping around i'm going away with some girlfriends that should be enough distraction for the weekend.

Reply to Andi
Posted by: Andi | 2008/05/22

Ohh my goodness CP Mom, I can't even begin to explain the way I'm feeling right now, I'm listening to the songs he used to like,i feel some kind of inner peace, i no longer feel afraid for tomorrow, i cried and moped around but i think i finally have it registered in my head that this man was never mine and can never be, my heart is broken but im starting to accept that it was all a lie and stolen time. I'm so grateful that you told your story, i'm confident i will heal from this eventually and in time i will find a single man who loves me and wants to be with me. I will probably always love him but I will learn to forget about him.

Reply to Andi
Posted by: just wondering | 2008/05/22

CP Mom just wondering why it was necessary in your LONG story (although i agree with you wholeheartedly) why it was necessary to mention the poor next victim of this man was Indian - what does that have to do with the price of eggs??

Reply to just wondering
Posted by: Anon-a-mous | 2008/05/22

How do you trust this guy Slr? I could never. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Reply to Anon-a-mous
Posted by: slr | 2008/05/22

some of us do end up happily with the guy. and yes, in this case, their marriage was long gone. just not legally divorced.

it does happen. just, in your case, it did not.

Reply to slr
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/22

I have a disabled daughter. She had Cerebral Palsy hence the CP and im a MOM!

There was a song once about being "slightly mad" wasnt there? hee hee

ps. i dont think CS is quite "normal" either...howz that possible? to be here and listen to all our crap....hee hee ! OK cs just joking my friend, but it must be hard on you!

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/22

had - i mean has.....sorry

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/22

i guess i prefer it to telling people "i am mad". lol. what does your name stand for?

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/05/22

Hi Almost mad

.....it makes a huge different between almost mad and totally mad, hey?

hee hee

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/22

i know how you feel. we just lucky we have people in our lives now that we love and love us back.

Reply to almost mad

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