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Question
Posted by: Blue | 2008/06/24

Dealing with an alcoholic

How do you deal with an alcoholic? I have realized he is the one that has to admit he has a problemI, there is nothing more I can do. I did not want to stick around and live with it, but he still has to see his young son for a day every weekend. I am not comfortable with him drinking while he has him.
I cant stop him from drinking though. I dont want him to not see his son but I feel I have to step up and say he wont see his son unless he is sobor that day.
I refuse to drop our toddler off there knowing he will have 6beers or more. One drink I can deal with, but because he is a binge drinker, he cant just have one. I learnt that the hard way. He lies and tells me he has had one, but the smell is on his breath and the bin is full of bottles.
How do i deal with this problem? Can I prevent him from seeing his son? How do I communicate with him when he is in such a state of defence and denial whenever I bring the subject up.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Do explore whether there is an Al-Anon group locally, which could help you, yourself. And I agree that is he is drinking at the time, then he cannot be left in charge of a child --- only if he is and remains sober through such a visit should he be allowed such acess --- maybe supervised access, with some designated sober adult present, would be better if he is to have access at all. I don't think any court would disagree. An alcoholics promises are rarely worth much

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Our users say:
Posted by: Britty | 2008/06/24

If you are not happy with leaving your child with a man known (to you) to drink regularly lthen listen to your gut feeling and don't do it. I wouldn't deny the father seeing the child either but only under supervision and as the mother that is your right. Your ex may promise to not drink when the child is around but alcoholics like other addicts break their promises. Your first priority is your child's safety. Good luck.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2008/06/24

Perhaps contact a nearby Al-Anon group and see if they have any suggestions about how to deal with this? I definitely also wouldn't want to leave a toddler in this kind of situation. I shouldn't think a judge would like this either, perhaps you could mention that to him? Or get an undertaking from him that he won't drink while he has the child, and tell him you'll bring a urine test when you pick the child up.
I know it's not easy. My father was alcoholic and in denial for some 14 yrs, only admitting it after I left home. But if he stays in denial, you might have to get tough with him, where his son is concerned. Perhaps it'll wake him up to reality.

Reply to Kay in Gtown

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