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Question
Posted by: DAWN | 2004/02/03

DAUGHTER PROBLEMS

Please help. I have a daughter who is studying at varsity. She has a boyfriend whom my husband & I do not like. We have tried everything to try and get to like this guy but to no avail. There are various reasons for the dislike. He encourages our daughter not to study. She is studying LLB and will be in her 4th year this year. He doesn't do anything, no work or studying. He is disrespectful also. We have gotten to the stage where we have now told our daughter what we feel and she hates us now. Are we being unreasonable, for I feel this relationship could go further. The whole situation is driving me crazy as I am thinking about it night and day. What do you suggest?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Dawn,
Lets see what other readers suggest here. Basically, the prime reason for seeking to develop a good and frank relationship with one's children, and in bringing them up to think sensibly for themselves, is so that when situations like this arise, they are likely to be able eventually to see through guys like this, on their own, as well as to trust that whatever you say about him, could at least be relevant. But with students still practising their newly-fledged independence, too strong a pressure from Mom and Dad to give up the flavour of the month boyfriend, can lead to het getting more determined to stick with him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/03

I don't think you are unreasonable in wanting what is good for your daughter. All parents do. I would not have told her how I felt but have given him the cold shoulder. She would come around in time as she will now but now it will take a bit longer. Children should know what is acceptable to you and what isn't and there should be no compromise.

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