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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2004/11/23

Daughter Gay?

My 11 year old daughter confessed that she is totally in love with her school friend (age 13). She said that she is the one for her and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with this girl and get married. She dreams of this girl and she is always on her mind. She is sad now because her friend is off to high school and she is scared they may lose contact.

My daughter has not experienced sexual feelings for this girl, in fact she says that she has not experienced any sexual feelings for either femals or males.

Is this normal for someone her age or could it be a sign that she has gay tendencies? How do I deal with this? She asked me whether she is a 'lesbian'.

She is a tom boy and prefers playing with boys toys. She does not like wearing dresses. Although she has mentioned that she prefers being a girl and she identifies boys that are 'hot'. She has not had a boyfriend although she liked a boy in her class last year that liked her. She did however decide that they stay friends instead of ruin a good friendship.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

11 is indeed too young to tell about ultimate sexual orientation. Some Tom Boys grow into sleek and feminine mothers, some boy's dismissed as sissies become ruigby players and fathers of 8. And as she has confirmed to you, this isn't sexual at all, and she hasn't yet arrived at the stage of having distinctly sexual feelings for male or female.
What it sounds most like, is what used to be called a schoolgirl Crush --- a profound but almost always time-limited emotional attachment for someone, usually older, who may be a male or female teacher, or an older student. The person often serves as a role model for them, having some characteristics te child especially admires, and often copies, sometimes with benefit, sometimes less beneficially. It passes.
And Shaun, has someone corrupted the Spell Check file on you computer, or have you been at some of Dude's erbal remedies this morning ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/23

I dont think you can really tell at 11 years old... maybe she just sees this older girl as in idol, someone she likes and want to be like when she is 13..... Maybe she is confusing this feeling with a feeling of love.

I think its a good thing that the 13 year old is going to high school, will give your daughter a bit of a break.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Nicky | 2004/11/23

Eish!

Reply to Nicky
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/23

Hi C,

You are stl fairlu younb to tied upn to anyone giel. Atgough it musy mention. qote ivivdently that she also requires her frredon,. it ui tis coz thee seems to ebe no mention of commitent from eiter party.
Althoug, it seems to be probalble in these age groups wher sttemptd migh be msde to eplore the body ot another.

Don't despair jus yet. Ttru being Suppory * understanding. as may e your best option, & may jusst help undeatandig

Reply to Shaun

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