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Question
Posted by: Adele | 2006/07/24

Daughter doesn't want to study

She is in matrick and just doesn't study or hand in her projects. She failed this term and says if she fails the end exam she will go and redo it next year in a college.It seems she couldn't be bothered.How can I make her understand that she needs to study. There is no next year. It is a waste of money and time.It's like she has no ambision. I am at the point where I just don't know how to tell a matric student that she has to study to pass... She thinks she can just go work and pay for it then. She doesn't realise that she can't pay college fees with a waitress job...

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Our expert says:
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Ask her to do a new bit of homework --- to find a waitressing job for one weekend morning or afternoon a week, and discover how hard it is to get the job and how tiring the work is ; and then to calculate, from the rate of pay, how much time she would need to spend waitressing to pay for the college fees, and how that would fit in with college time and homework. And have her see a counsellor. She may have exaggerated indeas of how much fun it would be to be at college rather than at school

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2006/07/24

Your daughter also has to learn what she puts in life she gets out of life. If she is not working at school and studying, she will not pass. This is the most important time of her life, like a foundation for her future. She surely doesn't want to waste time rewriting. It might also be she suffers from procrastination or attention deficit, finds it too difficult to concentrate and focus. Also could be due to depression. She must also learn that whatever choices she makes, good or bad she takes responsibility for her actions and then suffers the consequences. (The law of cause and effect). As parents we allow them to get away with far too much and when they can be responsible, is when emotional intelligence kicks in. Its the first sign of maturity. She might not worry about the consequences because she has you to lean on and take care of her. Good luck, parenting is not easy at the best of times and with problem teens puts so much pressure on families. Thank good I no longer have children at school.

Reply to anon
Posted by: anon | 2006/07/24

By the sounds of it she need ocunselling years ago. Something might have happened in her life to change her attitude. Quite unusual for girls who are more hardworking generally speaking than boys. Its all about self esteem, self confidence, pride, self worth. She might be suffering from depression, which is common in teenagers. She needs to have short term goals, medium term goals and long term goals. Get her some psychological help asap. Does the school not have a psychologist or social worker, if not, call famsa/lifeline so they can refer you to someone. The school should also have a list of educational psychologists. Universities also offer counselling services.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Adele | 2006/07/24

Ab,I have taken her to see someone.I was told it is normal for her age.I agree I need to find out why there is no motivation. I just don't know where to begin anymore. I have spend so much money to support her and help her.I have no idea what the next step must be. I mean, what does it help I do all these things and she's not interested.It's like I can bring a horse to the water but you can't make it drink.I am againts a wall now.Very upset as she just doesn't want to bring her side.Maybe I must just leave her.It is going to be very hard but maybe she'll realise that she is on her own and need to pull her weight.

Reply to Adele
Posted by: Ab | 2006/07/24

Unfortunately, I think you may have left it a bit late: there are only a few weeks before the matric exams. I think it may be better to start aiming at a new start next year.

You could take her to a clinical psychologist: perhaps one who specialises in adolescents. It would be important to sort out what lies behind her drop in motivation in the last few years. It may be possible to work on some motivation in the short-term, though.

Instead, you may need to discuss seriously with her her options for next year. A college will not give her motivation: that she needs to do by herself, perhaps with some professional help.

Reply to Ab
Posted by: Adele | 2006/07/24

I need all the luck, thanks for that

Reply to Adele
Posted by: Riana | 2006/07/24

You know your child best!

Good luck with it!

Reply to Riana
Posted by: R | 2006/07/24

She's been like this since gr 10,11. It's almost like if she is not interested in something she just won't do it. Trying to explain to her that she has no choice but to study if she wants to pass. You would think being in matric she'll know by now that she must study. In gr 10 she just wanted to leave school.I just said "No". It's the one reason after the other.The one stage after the other.It's almost as if she is still going through the teenager stages. Her sister is in gr10 and is doing well. I don't have to tell her to study.She wants to do good.

Reply to R
Posted by: Riana | 2006/07/24

My advise: Stick to her, try to make her change her mind! Believe me, children are only htere once.

Dont leave her to follow her own mind, dont make the mistake i did.

Please?

Riana

Reply to Riana
Posted by: R | 2006/07/24

Hi. How long have you had this problem with her? Has anything happened that she lost interest in her studies?

Reply to R

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