Our expert says:
She was speaking from anger and frustration at not getting what she wants. SHe's 9, and sounds like she's become rather cocky, maybe through relaxed or non-existent discipline. All kids need structure including basic discipline, with a set of clear rules and consequences. Rules shouldn'\t become too complex, but include respect for others and politeness, and, certainly at 9, obedience to basic rules of the house including chores. I suspect one of the weaknesses with home-schooling is that one doesn't learn to modify one's behaviour and expectationsn appropriately in regard to other children and community, and that at home there isn't the structure and discupline there may be in a good school.
And now she is adjusting to the new experience of public school --- discuss this gently with her --- how is she experiencing it ?
That she apparently spontaneously came to apologise suggests that she recognized it was wrong and unkind to say such things. With major gifts like the birthday puppy, it's best not to promise first and negotiate afterwards, but to make it clear that such a gift will only occur if she behaves well, and if she takes on the chores of caring for the puppy.
Don't take too much to heart what is said in anger --- even very loving people may say horrible things when very angry, and based on whatever they think will be most hurtful, not on what they actually mean. Her threat made it clear that she recognizes how much you love her. And don't exaggerate the effect of your anger on her --- she won't be wounded for life by one nasty comment about trailing grass into a clean house. You spoke without meaning to wound, when frustrated --- so did she, and she no more meant what she said than you did.
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