Our expert says:
SOunds like a dramatic event illustraing a chronic problem with discipline. The quickest solution would be to see a child psychiatrist or child psychologist to work with you to develop an effective simple set of rules and penalties, and assess and explain to the child why this is needed. Even a couple of sessions could save a lot of money and heartbreak in the long run.
Talk calmly with her, pointing out that wherever she went, she would have to work under SOMEBODY's set of rules, and most of those she'd meet outside of her own home, would have far more nasty rules and penalties. But that study and eventual qualifications will set her free, when she grows up, to be independent, and set her own fruitful rules.
becuse you have always given in to her before, she finds it outrageous if you don't give in now and forever more. She sounds like a basially good girl, but starting to try to experiment with her independence. Discuss this with your parents, so she experiences the same rules and penalties there, rather than seeing it as a better softer option.
And discuss things with her, pointing out what you need, as well as what she wants. if she wants to sleep in your room one night a week, then in exchange she must leave you alone for some "me-time" on other nights.
And it sounds as though what she most values is quality time with you, not the things you buy her. Too many pets and dolls. And quality time is necessarily limited, or it loses quality, for a number of reasons. What on earth does a child do with THREE cell-phones ?
Why can't she share some of the chores with you ( she's old enopugh to be useful, and to understand that they need to be done ) --- that way it should take a bit les time to do the chores, and this can also be aded to time you spend together. She needs to learn to enjoy social contact with friends in ways that do NOT cost money.
And explore methods like "time-out" for both of you !
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