Posted by: confused | 2009/03/16

Dating vs Divorce

How does a divorced woman with two kids date? I have been divorced for 6 years and have two sons who do not want to see their father due to various issues they have. 4 months ago I started seeing a lovely man after being single for 4 years. How do I do this?

Once a week my sons spend the night with granny and grandpa, so my parter and myself have that eveining for ourselves, but what about the rest of the time? He doesn' t spend the night when the kids are with me, though he has met the kids on several occassions and they have met his sons...

Any guidance would be appreciated....

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Not a psychiatric question, but I'm sure other readers will be able to respond helpfully.

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Posted by: Really | 2009/03/17

Hi there,

Its good to learn that you are dating again..... sometimes and for some people, dating and maybe even marrying again is not an option especially if there are kids involved.

The situation you are in is a very sensitive one. I think I can understand why you and your partner keep the sleep overs to the nights your kids are away. It is usually natural for anyone, especially women (sorry guys... Im not being sexist, just an observation I have made and experienced) to want to protect their kids from knowing what is going on in their private/intimate lives, when the partner is not the ' parent'  as it maybe.
Even though you will have introduced your partner to them, maybe you are not ready to let them know that you are more than just friends, or do they know?

Take each day as it comes and if the two of you are serious about each other and want to take things further, then you need to begin involving both your kids in your activities and make some family time together more than just some occasions here and there. You must remember that sometimes when you don' t involve the kids, they might begin to think that, the new guy in your life is taking preference over them and might begin to feel neglected and even become resentiful towards him. This however does not mean that you have to introduce them to every Tom, Dick and Harry, No, it just means that you will becareful about who you are serious about and who is important for your kids to know and have a relationship with.

Dating after divorce is daunting but it can be managed almost stress free. Most times, some people will even delay mentioning that they have kids, so as to avoid being rejected. Sometimes it will happen, and if it does, then that relationship was not meant to be.

We are all different, but I am very protective of my kids and when I was dating after a break up from a long term relationship, I dated a few guys before I met my hubby. I told him about the kids from the word go and so did he about his, but you will be surprised that he only got to meet my kids 4 months into the relationship. He did not push me about what I wanted to do with regards to informing the kids about us, even though on one or two occasions, he did ask. I only got to meet his after 6 months and it was all because of relactance on my part.

After that and untill our union, we spent most of our weekends, free time and special occasions with both our kids. This assisted in building a bond between us, us and each others'  kids and a bond between the kids. My youngest was very resentful, I think she missed her ' Dad'  and felt as though we were replacing him. But now, her and him are the best of buddies, and everyone else is fine with it.

Also Remember to have time for just the two of you, like you currently have. Do not stop that and remember that you have to have a healthy relationship between the two of you first.

It' s not easy, but it' s not impossible, it' s just that there are other people' s feelings invovled, the KIDS.....

All the best.

Reply to Really
Posted by: let me re-direct you.... | 2009/03/16

If you page up, on this very same page, you will get a link there. single parent romance.

Reply to let me re-direct you....

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