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Question
Posted by: Greek | 2007/04/16

Dating a rich guy

Hi All.

Hope all is well,

I have a huge concern about something,

My boyfriend is more than 15 years older than me and he is wealthy. Materially he has everything most of us could ever dream of. He has a huge house overlooking the ocean and drives a Porche convertible to work.

This intimidates me ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!! and as a result I am feeling incredibly insecure. I have been asking questions about what do I have to offer? Relationships is a 50/50 thing and I dont even have to clean the house... what do I do to make up for this huge difference?

He loves me so much and many times told me that I am the one for him and wants us to be together forever. Sometimes he literally cries when he tells me that he loves me and even though I love him alot I am still feeling so apprehensive about our relationship.

His friends are also placing me under a microscope as it was made very clear that he dated a gold digger before me. Yes I have a promising career, have my own house and drives a new car and I am still studying completing another post graduate degree this year. But at teh moment I am feeling incredibly inadequate.

How does one contribute equally to a relationship when you have these sort of differences? Is my relationship doomed already?

Please advise...

Thanks for reading my posting...

Greek

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Greek and thanks for posting here.

Don't focus too much on the differences between you - age and material wealth - and rather focus on what you have in common and share... the relationship. If you focus too much on his age and wealth you could lose focus on him as a unique person. And it may sound clichéd but keep the communication open and sincere without ever sounding like poor Cinderella.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Boyboy | 2007/04/17

Hey there
I had the same insecurities when I first started dating my boyfriend... this was about 6 years ago (he's about 15 years older, much more established professionally, part of the celeb scene etc.). But as your relationship and own financial situation develops you find that you will have more and more to contribute - it all balances out in the end. At some times he may have more to contribute materially and in other ways, and at other times it will be you. I fully agree with Expert and all the other advice. Money is an ENABLER for experiences, it is not the be and end all.

Reply to Boyboy
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/04/17

Hi Greek,
The Expert and Dyl's replies are spot on. You need to take charge of your insecurities and either become comfortable with the 'way things are', or start weighing up whether the differences in your lifestyles are more than you can ever come to terms with. Your b/f certainly isn't going to sell up and change his whole being, which for him is just a way of life.
I really do unserstand where you're coming from....all of this can be very disconcerting, and one can become very uncomfortable, especially when you feel that all eyes are on you by his friends too! (My word, and some of them DO this VERY well! Been in your shoes my friend!)
Expert has the whole scenario in the bag...but I guess his advice isn't always that simple to follow. Just hang in there fellow, and see if you can work out a compromise...its all about communication! Chat with your b/f about your insecurities. Maybe he isn't always aware of how things are for the Guys that come into his life. You're not barking up the wrong tree with this one... genuine people like yourself will struggle with all of this. Maybe this just answers all of your questions....he really feels that he has someone worth sharing his success with( and not a gold digger!!). Remember this...he is only human, and probably is just as insecure about many things. Its also VERY difficult for him too.... many Guys would definitely just hang around for the 'ride'! Maybe you just need to chat with him on how you can feel more comfortable in sharing all of this with him...not an easy one to get around. I recon.....just be yourself, and offer up what you can. You can't try and keep up with the Jones's here, or over compensate for anything...you're going to end up in serious debt, and a nervous breakdown too. Try relax, and enjoy him for the super Guy he appears to be. Best of luck and let us know how you're doing. Cheers

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Dyl | 2007/04/17

Slightly off subject, i've never understood the saying 50/50. surely both parties have to put 100% in for it to have anychance of working? as far as the wealth goes, i'n by no means rich. for the last 2 years i worked and suported myslef and bf... not once was it an issue for me. i know it bugged him, but to me, i was just all to happy to have him in my life. do you not think that maybe he feels the same as i did? money does buy awesome stuff, and yes, it can make you happy to a point. but the happiness you feel being with someone you love doesn't compare.

stop wondering what you are contibuting to the relationship. you are already contibuting more than you know. trust me, i've been there (from his side)....

lovies (",)

Reply to Dyl

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