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Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/11/16

Dating a great guy

Good day CS & all my friends here !

Fanx 1st of all for always being so patient & helpful. So here goes from now on under only 1 nic (as CS moaned at me…..hee hee)

For the last 6 weeks I’ve been dating 2 guys (for which I’ll get flack, here). I met R first & after dating for a while he needed space – which I gave him & in this week met G which I like a lot. A decent, wonderful Portuguese guy. I’ve been VERY cool with R coz he needed “space” but also coz of having met G. So yes I’m keeping R “on hold” …… (yes I do know this is not right and don’t do to others etc.)

I spent last weekend with G his kids being with the x and mine with my mom (and no thing happened that was naughty). I feel a lot for G & he’s told me he loves me which upset me coz u just don’t say that THAT easily! Myself have not said that in 3 years. He has 3 kids ( 9, 6 & 3) of which he has custody. This does not worry me at all as you know I LOVE KIDS and come from a big family myself. And Nè’s so lonely being an only child she loves other kids. G’s never dated in the 2 years that he’s been divorced and having a bottle store works from 9-8 Monday-Saterday he does not have time for much besides work and kids. He’s very genuine (spelling) & I do feel safe & great when with him. He phones me every single nite from 10 to 11.30 this is when we “kuier” as with the 3 kids he cannot come over. We live 60km apart. We discuss a lot its as if he is trying to sort out any possible problem that could ever arise: cheating, bringing up the kids, smacking vs the “reward system”, portuguese religion, portuguese woman, etc. he did not want the kids to meet until we were certain. But now this weekend Nè and I will be going with him and his 3 kids to Sun City…..

My question is yesterday we somehow got to seeing each other exclusively and he said MAYBE. I said what does that mean he said he thinks that things are going to fast. We sms like 50 times a day telephone each other 5 times a day and then the usual nightly call and then this Sun City ???? I’m getting mixed signals……

I’m never again waiting for a man in my life so when R asked me to go to the movies tonight I said yes…… G has made it clear that he’s not sure bout exclusive… so I’m not wrong am I ? What do I do ? Just play it cool with both ? See how things go ? G told me today that another girl asked him to go for coffee and I said and ? he said he doesn’t know. He then asked me if I’m going to date anyone else, I said well I guess so I’ll be accepting an offer to go to the movies tonight. He then sent me an sms saying he might not go on the coffee date : “better the devil you know, that the one you don’t”. Why date R if I like G - coz I hate being alone - I cannot NOT have someone in my life - I'm not happy if i dont have a man in my life....

Jip at my age I should know all the games there are etc. but I’m confused. R will always just be my “back-up” plan (as bad as that sounds) but I want to “play” it right with G.

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST ?


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What stamina ! Is dating 2 guys at once some sort of substitute for going to the gym ?
Otherwise, it all sounds too complicated for me !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: JM | 2004/11/16

Hi,

Gaan fliek saam met R vanaand maar hou net in gedagte dat indien hy dalk weer 'n ander nice girl sien hy weer 'n "break" sal wil hê.

Persoonlik dink ek G is insecure oor JOU gevoelens vir hom. Hy het vir jou gesê hy is lief vir jou maar jy het nog niks gesê nie. Waarskynlik is die storie dat dinge te vinnig gaan en die tee drinkery saam met 'n ander vrou net 'n bluf storie. Hy doen dit heel waarskynlik net om jou reaksie te sien.(Jaloesie, hartseer).

Maar nou het jy gesê jy gaan saam met iemand anders fliek vanaand en dit het hom tien teen een laat besef hy moenie met die "emosionele afpersing" speletjie begin nie want jy gaan dit nie toelaat nie en daarom die sms.

Hy voel tien teen een baie vir jou en wil dalk net graag dieselfde van jou kant af hoor.

Hoekom vir iemand anders gaan as jy weet G is die man vir jou.! Praat hierdie probleem liewers uit.

Ek mag verkeerd wees (ons weet mos nooit wat aangaan in die manlike spesie se koppe nie), maar sterkte in elk geval!

Reply to JM
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/11/16

Jemma - baie dankie, ek's 37.

Ja miskien is jy reg ek moet dalk vir albei sê aangesien julle nie julle minds kon opmaak nie of exclusive will wees nie ons date almal maar, of soos jy sê kom ons 'speel bietjie rond' - clean good fun !

Ek voel sommer ligter want ek hou nie daarvan om dinge weg te steek nie.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Jemma | 2004/11/16

Ag nee! Ek was so bly toe ek sien "dating a great guy" maar toe begin ek die posting lees en dis toe baie ingewikkeld.

Ja, ek hoor wat almal sê dat jy nie vir G en R moet seer maak nie maar dit klink ook maar nie vir my of hulle jou gevoelens in ag neem nie.

R wou tyd hê nadat julle al 'n ruk lank uitgegaan het. Worrie nie oor jou gevoelens nie, hy is nou biejtie moeg en wil gaan dink. Nou's hy terug en wil gaan fliek en nou moet jy alles wat intussen gebeur het, net so los en afsê want hy is nou klaar gedink en rus. NONSINS!!!

G is oulik en cute ens. maar nou SMS hy jou nadat hy vir jou gesê het hy is lief vir jou dat hy 'n uitnodiging gekry het om saam met 'n vrou te gaan koffie drink! Dit klink ook nie vir my of hy baie ernstig is as hy so vroeg in die verhouding dit al oorweeg om saam met 'n vrou te gaan koffie drink nie. Die oomblik toe jy vir hom sê jy dink daaraan om dan vanaand saam met 'n man te gaan fliek, toe verander hy gou sy storie want hy wil nie hê jy moet saam met iemand uitgaan nie maar dit sou okey wees vir hom om saam met iemand te gaan koffie drink.

Speel oop kaarte met altwee en what will be will be. Hoekom kan jy nie bietjie "rondspeel" nie? Ek weet nie hoe oud jy is nie maar ek weet jy is nie meer vandag se kind nie. Party jong meisies het nie eers een ou nie so as jy 2 op dieselfde tyd kan hê, waarom nie?

Solank dit good fun is dink ek jy moet dit geniet. Soos jy sê, dis nie lekker om alleen te wees nie.

Sterkte en geniet elke oomblik daarvan.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

I think you should go to the movies, but dont do anything naughty! That why you wont feel guilty when G comes back with an exclusive offer! It sounds like you suit G with the kids!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/11/16

Yes maybe i'm always rushing or as my mom says : JY DRUK DIT RYP.....
?

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: HUH | 2004/11/16

So you have been hurt and now it's ok to hurt someone else.
It is not right to have someone as a 'back up ' this is a person you are talking about , no one deserves to be second best. R sounds to good for u.

Reply to HUH
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/16

Don't hold onto G too tightly... like you said, he doesn't know what he wants... Don't play around with R if he is just a back-up... get to know him and he may even know what he wants... and then you will both possibly have what you want. Give R a chance to show himself to you... not in the naughty sense.
I don't think you should sit around waiting for someone to make up his mind... I sure there are the rest of the alphabet out there... who knows, maybe a P or a V can make you happier?

Reply to Inc
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/11/16

Both guys are really great each in their own way...... R now wants an exclusive relationship but I've told him that I need to "play the field a bit" and he's patient etc. Ja ek weet dis nie mooi nie maar hell it's been done to me so many times !! And neither one of them is at all the badboy I usually go for and get hurt with.

I will not make any promises to either one and as soon as G knows what he wants and this is me I will tell R, this I can promise you. I will not hurt him.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: G | 2004/11/16

CP Mom mmh you have a wee issue here if they find out about each other you are going to walk around with your head under your armpit? no you do not owe either one a explanation as long as you are honest with yourself, having a backdoor should be ok all best laid plans have alternatives the old matrix system if x leads to y then take z if you know what I mean, yes this is people we are talking about but like you sad when you get too a certain age it is best to keep all doors open not closed as long as you do not make promises you cannot keep

Reply to G
Posted by: HUH | 2004/11/16

Here we go again !!!

Reply to HUH

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