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Question
Posted by: T | 2004/10/21

Damn I'm loosing it..........

I need advise from guys.I know what i'm about to ask is very stupid , Is it possible for a guy to lie for 12 months without showing signs of cheating. Well I've been going out with this guy for a year now and i've only discovered three weeks back that he's got a steady girlfriend back home in JHB. When we started going out i remember him telling me about an ex- who doesn't want to let go and when i asked him about the girl, he tells me its an ex - girlfriend of his who does want to let go of him even though they've broken up for over a year. As they say women intutions are very powerful.. i didn't buy the story instead i did my little investigation, went through his phone found sms's, read his business diary and i even spoke to his sister. Now i don't know who to believe anymore its like im loosing my mind. Its very weird cause he has asked me to relocate to JHb next year with him, secondly he involves me in his businesses so i find this very strange cause if he's a lie he's a damn good one. I know i'm going to sound weird but i don't doubt that he loves me, he does and he shows me in different ways that he loves me. My only logic explaination to this dilemma is that maybe he loves us both and maybe he doesn't want to loose me by telling me the truth. For december vac he has invited me to his home.. can someone who has a steady girlfriend be a player like this. Can someone help me make an informed decision on this, i'm even considering seeing a shrink cause its so unbelievable that my so call man could be lying / cheating behind my back. Right now i feel like a hypocrite, man stealer cause i'm going out with someone else's man. Damn life is tough. i'm about to give up on myself at the moment, my ex boyfriend of 6 year left me last year for another girl and he's engaged to be married. So relationships are just not for me or maybe i attract wrong elements. I can't concentrate on my work, can't eat i've even lost some kilos because of this. I need to make sense of the situation and all of my friends are telling me to dump him but its hard cause i still want to be with him and i love him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

yes, it is possible. "loving you both" is no excuse, and unfair to both of you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: J | 2004/10/21

T, he's wasting your precious time and he's wasting your love. You love him, great, and that means you're sure, but that doesn't mean he is sure.
Help him to make up his mind because he's too preoccupied with getting attention from both girls, leave.
Leave him and that takes you out of the equation and he can decide.
If you love something you must let it go, if it comes back, it was always yours - if it doesn't come back - it never actually was yours to begin with.
At least your mind will be made up by his actions and you know you are either going to have to get over him, or if he chooses you (AND ditches her), you get with him.
Be strong, girl!

Reply to J
Posted by: T | 2004/10/21

Well, the sms's that i found were definitely from the girl..talking about her undying love for him etc, the sister told me that he's been telling her that they've broken up with the girl but they're still seeing each other. When I confronted him about the whole things he didn't have any answers for me, he twisted the whole thing and made it my problem. Basically i wronged him by going through his things, having no faith in our relationship, not trusting and believing him when telling the truth, So basically i've stopped asking i'm just observing signs now. I've come to realise also that whenever i'm around at his place or at my place his cellphone is always off more especially at night. SO that should tell me something or whenever he gets call he sometime doesn['t answer them or he'll go out or be pissed off or something. What i hate is being taken for ride that i'm not down for it. Or stupid me i did take the girl's number...so i don't have her number but i'm working on this though....

Reply to T
Posted by: Anon | 2004/10/21

Have you asked him exactly what you want to know or are you avoiding it because secretly you know the answers? What about contacting the girl and asking her - you have her cell no. if you managed to read SMS's? i tell you a women's intuition is powerful so go with it.......

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/21

It's hard to say whether this guy is lying or telling the truth because you haven't even indicated what you found during your investigations and what exactly it is that is confusing you.

Some people have the ability to continue a lie for a very long time, and in the instances where the two g/fs are living in different cities, it might be difficult to "catch him out".

Work on the facts you have about what he has been doing to ascertain the truth. Sometimes when confronted with the facts a person goes into denial because they are fearful of the consequences of having to face up to the facts.



Reply to Chelle

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