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Question
Posted by: Lollypop | 2004/11/23

Daddy's gilr?

I am 30 years old, I have a good job and a gorgeous daughter and yes i have made mistakes along the way. The problem is my father..... At the age of 16, i had a relationship, which lasted 7 years. I was never told what, when, or how to run my life. After me and my ex broke up, my fater was devistated. Because of the long courtship, i never really experienced life as i should of. So i started going out end really trying to cramp all i missed out on into a short space. My father did not agree with all this and can you believe that when I was 23 he actually dragged me out of a club. How embarresing. I met my fiance when i was 25 and we moved into a flat together, although he is a bit younger than me (3 years) we love each other very much. We decided to move into a flat together and a month later i fell pregnant. Things weren't going so well financially and just before i had the baby we moved in with my parents. After she was born, my father insisted that she be put on his medical aid, and his surname. My dad helped me a lot, but also runs me down as a mother, saying we can't look after her, ect.

We moved out again and my fiance has battled to find a job, he does IT and gets the odd jobs in. I father visits and just condems everything we try together, eventually all fell apart again and i moved back. My father id very dictative and domineering. Now that my daughter is 3 1/2, I would like to have another child, but my dad has warned me that if i come and give him that news, he will surly shase me away and keep my daughter. How do you get through to this man, that I am old enough to live my life as I choose, he is wrecking me and my relationship!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, Lollypop, frankly, one can understand your dad's concerns, as you don't seem to have lived a wise or prudent life so far. You don't seem to understand about planning for the future, or about contraception. How can you be thinking of having another child when your bf is mainly unemployed and you can'[t afford to look after 2 children well ? You are of course old enough to live life as you choose --- and to be wise or foolish, as you choose --- but remember that when it comes to childre, it's THEIR lives that are really important, more than your pleasures or wants.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: didy | 2004/11/23

MOVE out and start living your own life...and PLEaSE WHATEVER YOU DO DONT EVEN THINK OF ANOTHER until you guys can support yourselves properly!

Reply to didy
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/23

Are you the real Shaun or has your keyboard packed up???

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/23

hI lOLLYPOP,

Moa's word aise, al a;waly. Get your self on yo feet fisrt, Set an examlw, set by ir,Allow your focus to be your daughers thereby givinf your Dad no ojective to not agree. Seek help if you smust, but you know what you want.
Your daughter hsa grown uop with him, si 'ts kimda soemtinthin very hard for him to let go... understnad, appreacite & recognidd this fat. Just know that eithe is he prepared tolet o.

Sd your title so aprly you. Persverance & determaination will bring you'll close togethwe, Cocider slso well on th e way to access, But the first is non-threami.

Regrds,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/23

Have to admit that your lifestyle up to now proves your father to be correct. And wanting a second child with all the current problems you have just adds to it.

Take a step backwards and take stock of your life. You need to get your life under control and get your priorities right. I am sure once you have shown that you are in charge of your life and knows how to handle it your father would step down. He is only trying to protect you from making more mistakes.

Show him that you are responsible and that you are capable to manage your own life - if necessary ask him for advice - that would really show him that you are serious about taking control and making it work.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/23

Having such an "unstable" past, wouldnt it be a good idea to first find a man that could financially support you and you daughter, and then when you are settled think about another baby. That way your dad wont have any say over what you do.

Reply to Mona

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