Our expert says:
What a sad story ! Before deciding that you "wouldn't want to know" people should at least have asked you what you wanted, rather than deciding for you.
I'm sorry that your shrink has given you either very amateur and unhelpful advice, or advice that was inadequately explained so as to be of use. I don't think that people who show no remorse ( or even some of those who do ) ought to be "forgiven" in the usual sense of the word --- nobody is under any obligation to do anything to make a perpatrator of cruelty feel better.
And its not unusual to feel, as you do, "nothing" rather than hatred or even anger, towards a perpatrator. You have no duty whatever to like him or feel fondness towards him. "Nothing" is a fair choice.
The sense in which I do feel there is value in "forgiving" a perpetrator ( and I wish I could find a better word for it ) is in freeing yourself from being tied by your own bitterness and anger to the perpetrator, setting yourself free to live a full life without them. You need help from a more realistic and wise shrink, to live your own life without pain or bitterness or regret about aspects of it which you cannot change, so you can concentrate on aspects you CAN change.
Considering the further information you provide in your follow-up post, it sounds as though NOBODY involved in the tragic event, neither your father nor the others, were innocent , nor that they intended the tragic outcome that occurred ; and it seems likely they all thought they were doing something right, and probably thought what they were trying to do would be to your benefit. Sadly often in such awful events, nobody turns out to have been entirely innocent or entirely evil.
You will find that there are three types of people who glibly urge others to "forgive" freelly --- (a) perpetrators and their supporters, who want to feel free from any duty of guilt, and free to continue to do as they wish, and to ignore their acts and their consequences ; (b) Holier Than Thou meddlers who themselves have never had anything substantial to need ro forgive, and feel good for telling us how we ought to live our lives ; and (c) a few pathologically disturbed victims locked in profound denial, who feel saintly and enhanced by ostentatiously and publically forgiving a very nasty villain. None of those examples are worthy following.
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