Posted by: Meghan | 2006/07/18

dad is just as useless

Dearest CS

I think you need a break after this one:

I phoned dad. His cell was off. I left a message saying i have something important to tell him and that he should return my call. He did, i told him “Dad, Mel is in trouble, she is maybe anorexic and that she needs help immediatly.” Dad replied by saying “Oh, i thought you dropped out of varsity or failed your exam”. I meen HELLO! Doesnt anyone listen?

I phoned home only to speak to our domestic maid telling me Meliny just collapsed in the kitchen and that she is trying to get her cool and keep her concoius. I then called mum who happpens to be in a meeting. All she could say was “Well, this will have to wait till your dad gets home round about 7 this evening.”

Doc, i can not take this anymore! Why did Mel collapse? Why doesnt mum and dad see that little girl is ill, that she needs medical attention. She needs support and care. Im already writing a test tomorrow, i wish i could go home just to be with Mel.

What caused her to collapse? And the fine hair we spoke about? How fatal is Anorexia? I suppose its not like a flu, you have it today and tomorrow its gone right? Is there someone here on H24 that can guide me?

If mum dont care about Mel’s condition, how on earth will she ask her USA friends about that?

Im in tears here where i sit and i should study, but little Mel is really more important than my distinctions now.

We unfortunatly do not have family here in SA. Everyone is in Italy and London.

Anorexics dont commit suicide, do they? Mel wont do it, will she?


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Meghan,
Sorry to hear about the continuing saga. Some parents truly take one's breath away, in the extent to which they can be totally absorbed i their self-importance and careless about others. Try to be a bit calmer, because your sense of alarm if perceived by Mel, may not help her. ANYONE MIGHT commit suicide, whatever their disorder or none --- anorexics aren't usually of an especially high risk. But distressed young women needing support who are being ignored by their significant others, are at significant risk of suicide attempts, and even though they usually survive them, attempts are not good for one's health.
Anorexia can be a stubborn condition to treat, but can be successfully treated. Its major risks are in the long-term, more than acute dangers. One common dimension is someone who feels out of control of significant situations in their life, and who choose to obsessively control their weight / size / shape / eating patterns, ignoring more useful things to control.
My reference to your mom asking her American friends, was simply to say that if she doubts that this is a common and serious condition eneding treatment, I'm sure her American friends would convince her of that ( and they'd be appalled by parents who ignored it ). I wonder to what extent your parents ignoring of her in general, could be part of Mel's problems overall ?
As M says, surely the family has a GP you could call ? and even if he saw her in relation to her collapse, given the right information about you, he could be alert to the possibility of Anorexia, assess her for this, and recommend to your parents, firmly, the right local shrink's assessment ?
Don't blame yourself for not being there --- you have your own life to look after, and are distant, for good reasons. Your parents have a continuing responsibility --- and they have managed to not be there even when they are there, from what you say ! They ma have something to feel guilty about, but if they were capable of feeling that, maybe there wouldn't be a problem.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2006/07/18

Meghan if you have internet access you must have access to a phone. You can call Lifeline. No above this page. You can call home. You can call your GP. Your sister might need to be hospitalised, depending on her condition. You can not be held responsible for your sisters problems, you can only support her and be there for her.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Meghan | 2006/07/18

I wish i could do all these things you all want me to do for her, but i am 3 hours drive away, im so scared.

Meliny needed help and i werent there.

Reply to Meghan
Posted by: hello | 2006/07/18

get her hydrated and give her energade or lucozade. Pottassium vits are best too for electrolytes

Reply to hello
Posted by: help perhaps | 2006/07/18

I turned anorexic when I was 15 and still am between that and bulimia., I got really extremely ill and was in line to see DR Szabo before he stopped working. It was scary for me to admit that I had a problem, like to say yes, me the very person I am and know has an eating disorder, it sounded to bizaarre, but once I did, it became so easy to get help, nfortunately my help didnt work, at least it stabilised me, but Im still ill. The help cant do evrything that you expect, yes she can go to counselling, she can go to a psychiatrist to get medication... but its all up to her and u GOT TO LET HER KNOW SOMEONE IS TAKING NOTE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING< that is where i fell short. if she knows someone is looking out for her, its awesome, then help her all you can but also let her know, its hup to her, its her life, I have found with people I know with eating disorders, hardest approaches are best, since my parents sound similiar, they care more about my grades... if its attention from them she wants, she may never get it, and must not beat herself up over it... its all up to her

Reply to help perhaps
Posted by: Tango | 2006/07/18

Yes great advice M. Meghan come back and keep us informed - we are holding thumbs for you both.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: M | 2006/07/18

You must have a GP, your sister needs to see the family GP asap. Call your GP, he might even do a house call. He will refer her to a Psychiatrist/Psychologist specialising in anorexia. You can also call Overeaters Annonymous, look in your local tel directory for their no. They have a support group for eating disorders and anorexia.
I agree with Tango, call Lifeline, they will be able to help you with referrals and what course of action to take. You obviously care about your sister and sound very distressed so please call Lifeline now.

Reply to M
Posted by: Tango | 2006/07/18

i am sorry you have had to deal with this all on your own. Its one huge load on your shoulders.

Have you tried Lifeline? There number is at the top. Maybe they have th resources there to offer you support.

Yes, one can die from Anorexia. I do not want't to frighten you.

Reply to Tango

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