Our expert says:
This is something that will have come as quite a shock to your boys and to you as well, and if you have just discovered this it is going to take a while before the reality of this sinks in.
As a result your eldest will need time to come to understand how he feels, and begin to make sense of the situation. You don't say how recent this was and when their Dad moved out but it is a combination of hearing the news about him cheating on you, but also the loss of his Dad in the home that are the most difficult right now.
Don't push him to talk at this stage - if its just happened - just let him know that he can talk to you about it whenever he feels ready. Your youngest is quite probably showing his distress physically as a way of communicating his emotions to you as he is struggling to verbalise them right now.
One route you may want to consider is going to see a family therapist, or contacting the family organisation FAMSA. You can contact them via www.famsa.org.za
You must also remember yourself in all of this and ensure that you get the support you need to deal with this, as if your are beginning to come to terms with this your boys will be aware of this - they may not be verbalising it, but they will be very worried about their mom right now. So work together, and be there for each other - from there the specific needs of all of you will become clearer. The boys will need to find ways of maintaining their relationship with their Dad too, even though they may be angry with him at the same time.
Feel free to ask another question if you need to.
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