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Question
Posted by: Vee | 2004/11/22

Cyber, Paul + Q : Now I'm confused

I was not blaming or pointing fingers.
Strange how you all read into my comment that I was blaming Cyber and not the fact that I was angry because he told me I was impatient when I was needing the advice / help. How could I expect Cyber or you guys to realize the urgency. Perhaps I’m not the best in communicating . Who knows. Now Cyber has given all the advice and steps to take so when I say too late…..maybe for me but not for someone else. Why is everyone jumping on me?

Thank you all for your understanding of what it feels like to feel helpless and yourself reach out desperately to find out how to be more compassionate and supportive.(Sic)
You all proved my point thank you. If there is a dramatic heading – you get more people answering and a quicker response.

Anyone heard of paradigm shift ??

As this is a forum am I not allowed to voice myself as well ? I note one minute I was told what a wonderful friend I was to be concerned etc etc and the next well………….. Nobody likes anyone to criticized and we all react differently !!!!

Here are Cyber’s latest comments …….talk about blaming !
Vee, your spitefulness and failure to take absolutely obvious steps might possibly have contributed to this tragic outcome, but absolutely nothing I did or did not do, and nothing whatsoever to do with this forum, had anything to do with it.
Is it spiteful to ask for advice on how to help a friend in need, you say that my failure the take absolute and obvious steps (well that is what I was asking)……..


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Vee, you are persisting in deliberately misunderstanding, and wallowing in self-pity, trying to blame anyone except yourself though from what one can see here, you are not at all to blame either). Adults MUST take full responsibility for their own actions and decisions, none of us can take such responsbilities for them. There is nothing spiteful at all in "asking for advice on how to help a friend in need", but you asked that and was answered, and did not take the advice given, apparently. Your message, to which you received those replies, WAS spiteful and unpleasant, as well as unfair. 'm proud of the measured, thoughtful, and sensible replies you received from other readers, too.
You agitated because you didn't get an immediate response, whereas you got a more rapid response that you'd be likely to get, at high cost, by trying to make an appointment with any shrink or doctor in the country.
But you did NOT need any expert advice to recognize that any friend who was threatening or otherwise at high risk of sucide HAD to be taken to see a real, live, face-to-face doctor ! The lady who packs your bags at the supermarket could have told you that,
How often do I have to say this --- if your house is on fire, do NOT send me a postcard announcing the fact, and then complain that my return postcard took a while to reach you. CALL THE FIRE BRIGADE !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/22

Vee's post said

"SO CYBER YOU SAY I MUSN'T BE IMPATIENT - HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW -THE GIRL COMMITTED SUICIDE."

Why should CS feel anything, besides the normal compassion you feel when anyone takes their life?

Vee - your posting was very accusatory - and intended to make someone feel bad for something they had said.

I do understand that you were feeling very concerned, and that you felt you needed to do something urgently, but you posted the same question 3 times on 19/11/2004 - hence CS's response to you about being impatient.

I don't think this should have been thrown back at him as though he should feel guilty for anything he said - you WERE impatient and he asked you to stop that. End of story.

It's time to move on though, and there are lots of people who will give you the support and understanding, especially if you have lost this friend to suicide, but I somehow feel your post was intended to cause pain, and am not even now sure whether this person did commit suicide or attempted suicide, and so I am not even in a position to offer support at all.


Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Vee | 2004/11/22

Hi Paul - please tell me what you are referring to when you ask if anyone has been my behaviour on this site before ?

Reply to Vee
Posted by: Paul | 2004/11/22

Have you seen Vees behaviour on this site before? Do you condone it?

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/22

And I suppose its ok for Vee to accuse the Doc becasue he didnt reply fast enough and expect him to be remorseful becasue of what happened. This is an internet site for petes sake - not Lifeline (which number is freely available at the top of the page and which could have been used for a speedier response). For Vee to want to sling accusations around is pretty obtuse.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Dodo | 2004/11/22

Cyber - re Vee and the suicide drama .......you missed the lady's point. At the time of her original posting she did not know how serious this was and you go on and on.......can't you just say sorry for saying you were damn impatient and sorry about the outcome. As the shrink I would have thought you of all people would not attach the way you have. It is quite simple really and to quote "any lady who packs your bags at the supermarket could have told you that".
She asked for advice. Yes maybe she wanted a quicker response - no sin in that - she got angry and frustracted. Anyone who feels helpless as she did would feel exactly the same and if she was heartless or whatever it is you think she is she would not have made it to the forum in the first place.

Jeezlike - can't believe Paul and Q's attach either. You're a bunch of judgemental people without even trying to put yourselves in someone else's shoes. And telling Vee to "bugger off" really .......... Words fail me......YOu should all take a hard look at yourselves - seriously. What the hell did Vee do to deserve the harsh responses ??????????

Reply to Dodo
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/22

Vee I support CS on this one, it is commendable that you whanted to help n friend but not if you are braking down what tried to help you!!! Yes dramatic postings get more answers because it is intristing the rest does not get all of everybody answering so yes it depens on who is in the room at such time!! Please stop your attacks on the people of the forum that includes CS and start with your process of greaving. I t is no use in putting blame whear it is not due!!! best of luck hope the wounds heal fast!

Reply to Q

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