Posted by: Nommy | 2013/01/15

cultural custom?

im married only paid lobola,my mother and father in law passed away,now the big sister in law who is married together with the brother in law insist that we(together with hubby) inherit that house as culture says last born should remain at home HENCE all of them during holidays they come with their kids and they expect courtesy at who`s expense?,we tried discussed it at length b4 that the middle brother should remain,as we are staying in another province full time and dont mind abt that house but NO they insist,now they are discussing it behind my back with hubby,i dont know how to handle this,and hubby is a quiet person,they will eventually win him,what can b the solution?

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Posted by: Nommy | 2013/01/16

The house is in rural areas,i will take ur advice Amasi,i cant afford to host close to 20 people(grand children and their parents)at my family `s expense during holidays it means i will have stress,NO and provided i have my own house in town where there is value,@Ntate i will leave them to discuss it behind my back and refuse any decisions affecting me and my family anyway im not interested in that house,and people must learn that old customs dont work anymore,i cant stuck with a situation that is compromising my quality of life,due to the reason that my hubby is a last born SORRY.tHANKS FOLKS...

Reply to Nommy
Posted by: Amasi | 2013/01/16

Though it is desirable to build a home. A home is needed so that one can go to rest in the unlikely case that woes of this world hit you.
I always seen a problem of a family house when there is no specific heir. The biggest problem is that some want to go there and claim home benefit which include visiting over holidays, slaughtering for ancestors (Hey you little brother, I am coming to slaughter next month so give me a space) and others.

One of the distresses I had seen was:
a) A grandchild who now has a title deed refusing aunts to come and go as they please. Remember your kids dont have a place to call home but at granny''s. So at a certain point a heir of the house will deny them for privacy sake.

b) Since the house is in the name of that young kid, when he dies his widow inherit the house. If she is young, it becomes a problem when she find herself another boyfriend as the inlaws will fight for him to come into that house.
When she gets married then a mess starts as to whose house is it.

c) While the youngest is still enjoying the house, one of the sisters get divorced. Then a fight erupts as she wants a backroom as it is her home.

I called my siblings and told them the situation about our family house and stated that whoever is interested in inheriting it must spend more on renovation. None showed interest. I said the house should be rented and parents will get proceeds, then when they decease each sibling should nominate a heir in his kids who will get the proceeds.

I am in a process of establishing a Trust and transfer the house to that Trust. All siblings will be Trustees then the kids (grandchildren) will be the heirs.


Reply to Amasi
Posted by: Amasi | 2013/01/16

Bring it to their attention that this decision is very hard in reality.

When the hubby dies, you are left houseless. You may need to vacate the house and squat somewhere else as there will be constant fights of this is our home.

Your kids will not have a place to call home as that house is not their home but is a home for the siblings of your hubby.

In case the house is registered in the name of your hubby and he dies, this house will technically no longer belongs to their family as you will have title rights to kick them out.

If it is in the city, rent it out. You can then debate on who takes the proceeds.

If it is in the rural areas, ask one of the relatives to stay and look after the house. There is most likely a cousin who does not have a place to stay.

Ask him to think three generations to come what would be happening to the house. This will force them to rethink that custom.


Reply to Amasi
Posted by: Ntate | 2013/01/16

Let them discuss it behind your back>  When hubby asks you to move, tell him NO as you were never consulted about the move.

Put him between a rock and a hard place. You or the house!

Reply to Ntate

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