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Question
Posted by: got the blues | 2005/11/21

CS,......am I wrong?

I’m in a tizz here……I met this guy about a month ago and we kinda clicked very nicely and we’ve got a whole lot in common……really like him, too… He quite proudly introduced me to his family and all his friends as his new girlfriend. Problem is, and this is my opinion, that he’s still hung up on his previous girlfriend. We frequent a certain pub every Friday night an he’ll sing one or two songs….karaoke evenings….and she’s always there with her boyfriend….which happens to be an ex friend of his….they broke up in May this year, btw…..I met him at this pub and at the time, he pointed her out to me and told me that she is his ex girlfriend of 7 years…..and two other places we like going to as well, she’s always there….. he said that she’ll always be special to him (which I do honestly understand) although he doesn’t have any romantic feelings for her any longer. We talk a lot and during our conversations her name seems to pop up almost all the time…..
I spoke to him about this one Friday evening and I think I must’ve hit a bit too close to home because I didn’t hear from him all of that weekend. He phoned me that Monday, late afternoon, and telephonically “broke up” with me….We didn’t have much time to talk obviously but I asked him if he could make some time for us to talk and up till now, he’s just never “found the time”. I need to explain to him that it wasn’t out of jealousy or insecurity that I spoke to him about it. I just don’t think he’s ready for a new relationship. If my ex was in the same company I keep or at the same place I was with my friends, he’d be just another person in the crowd to me……but I’m sure he still has feelings for her. And the songs he sang were obviously meant for her….he asked me on one occasion if there was any particular song I’d like him to sing for me….. ???….he’s reason for our break up was that he doesn’t think a relationship is in the cards for him right now due to the work that he does……he does work hard and long hours, too……but if he could manage to make time for us during the passed month….???….he also told me during the time we were seeing each other that she phoned him up while the boyfriend wasn’t there and asked him if she could come around to show him her new car… why, while the boyfriend wasn’t there?? I’d like to tell him to get together with her and see if anything can come from them trying a second time and if it doesn’t, then he should make every effort to get over her….. and then also cut all ties with her because it doesn’t help seeing each other like they do now….it just gets confusing…..he said that when she came around to show him the car, he got the impression that she wanted him back…. So maybe they should get back together and try and make it work…I can see that he needs his space and that he’s got issues to deal with right now so I’m giving him what needs in the hope that he will eventually sort himself out….so that he can eventually move on. Like I said, it’s just my opinion, but all the signs are there……..does it sound like I’m wrong?

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Our expert says:
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Can't he find a different karaoke bar for you two to dgo to, without the ex being there ? And I suspect that you're right, that he hasn't got over her, and isn't really ready for a sincere new relationship.

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