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Question
Posted by: Gemini | 2008/01/10

CS what do you think

Hello CS.
Welcome back. I have been reading this forum for ages, but never posted.
I am having a bit of a dilema. I know this is a very wierd situation......please don't laugh :-) My husband and I have been having many marriage troubles for years. Without going into a long story I will just say we were on the verge of divorce, and then someone spoke to my husband and he appears to have "seen the light" and is trying very hard to make up for his bad behaviour. He has not cheated on me, but just treated me very badly. Anyway, he is now trying to do everything to please me.
Which leads me to my dilema. I have had a huge complex about my looks for ever. I am 33 years old and virtually "flat-chested". I have not worn a swimming costume, or anything tight or sleeveless since I was in Junior school. I have always joked about having a "boob-job" at some point in my life.
Now in his eagerness to please me my husband has researched the operation, and as his business is doing very well, he is insisting that I go see a plastic surgeon and he will pay for the procedure.
So now, I am very confused. He has booked an appointment for me to see the surgeon. I feel bad about the fact that he is volanteering to pay for all of this, but on the other hand I have said that I would do anything not to have to shop for underwear in the teenagers "first bras" section.
I have picked up the phone so many times to cancel the appointment, but then I stop dialing the number.
I am also concerned about what people will say about me even considering such an operation, as so many people think it is just a vanity thing. I am one of those people that is always worried about what people say or think about me.
I also don't want to dissapoint my husband, as he has told me that he will be very dissapointed if I don't go for the doctors appointment.
Any suggestions ? This dilema is even stopping me from sleeping at night.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Gemini, <br>Nice to hear from you, and I can't see why anyone would think of laughing about your very real and understandable problem. Whoever was able to speak to your husband and enable him to see the light should start helping others see the same light, from the sound of it. From the sound of it, he has much to make up to you, and it makes sense for him to offer to pay for the surgery IF this would please you --- he can now afford it. <br>It would make good sense for you to see the surgeon and get clear what is possible, and what would be involved --- but you don't have to accept the invitation to proceed to surgery, immediately. <br>It may be worth seeing a good CBT type counsellor for some sessions, first, to enable you o feel better about yourself ( your message suggests an undeserved low self-esteem ) so that you could feel proud and happy of the normal body you have, and of any changes you might then choose to make. It'd be good, if surgery is what you choose, to do so fully electively, and not driven by low self-esteem ( the surgery enlarges the breasts, not the self-esteem !). And CBT to help you feel more autonomous and less concerned about what other people think, would also be valuable. That might be a wise first investment, and then you'd be free to decide whether surgery would further enhance your enjoyment of yourself and your capabilities.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Finni | 2008/01/10

I think you must go for it !!!!! Never mind your husband and what other people are going to think. You have obviously been struggling with the fact that you have small boobs, and since school!!! No its time to live a little. Remember people are fickle and they are mostly obsorbed in their own lives. Yes they will notice but won't be the topic for a long time afterward. But you will gain confidence and will be able to brave a few more things. And so what if you're hubby is spoiling you - sounds like it is about time. Maybe it will spice things up with the new confidence you'll get from having new boobies.

GO FOR IT GIRL!! Don't be scared

Reply to Finni
Posted by: Echelle | 2008/01/10

Hey. Never worry about what people think. There's lots of woman that goes for a "boob job". There's nothing wrong with that, just don't let them overdo it. Try and think positive about the whole situation, be excited, because that's actually what you want for yourself too. Sometimes I just start to think after I've complained about myself. Like for example "I wish my feet was more beautiful" (stupid example I know, haha) then I start to think about people that can't even walk on their feet, so actually what I'm trying to say is that we and our partners must accept us for who we are, he married you like that didn't he? So I think you have to ask him if he's doing it for you of if he's doing it for himself?

Reply to Echelle

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