Posted by: CHILDLESS | 2007/04/02


CS - My wife can't have children I want to have badly, but I want to have them with someone I love. No other way.
IUnfortunately I love my wife very much and do not want to divorce her, but she can not give me what I want.
I feel I am being selfish but the way I feel is I want children.
This is my own fault, she told me she could not bear more children,as she already had 2 almost my age, she is almost 20 years older than me.Without the you knew what you were marrying plus baggage , could you please give me advice?
I love her, but I know I made a mistake, because we have grown apart I now want to experience what she experienced. I should have married my own age group, but what now.

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Our expert says:
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Was it only after the marriage that you two discovered that she was barren ? And she already has two children, and, if 20 years older than you might very reasonably not want to have further pregnancies, and the risk to mother and child would be significantly higher at that age --- surely you should have found out about that before marrying her ?
It wouldn't be fair to reject her now on grounds that were present before the mariage. Explore adoption and similar options.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gloomer | 2007/04/03

Yeah, how do you know that you aint shooting blanks?

Reply to Gloomer
Posted by: Dove | 2007/04/03

You deserve to get some sickness and not be able to have children yourself for the way you are treating your wife, you knew she could not have anymore children when you married her. I don't think it is a good idea to married when the age difference is so great, in the beining it does not seem to make a difference but later on in life it does. This I have seen happen more than once. Shame on you I think you need to speak to your wife explain how you feel,maybe something can be worked out.

Reply to Dove
Posted by: Gloomer | 2007/04/03

What part of "for better or worse" did you not understand? Poor woman married you thinking you were okay now you go and change your mind? If you want to get out then get out now rathr than put your poor wife through too much grief.

Reply to Gloomer
Posted by: Gracie | 2007/04/03

You went into this marriage knowing that your wife could no longer have children - you should've thought long and hard before you made the decision to get married knowing that you would never have children of your own with her. I cannot say I know how you feel as I have three delightful, healthy boys of my own. You are in a very difficult situation - there are so many people (women) out there who desperately want to have children, yet they cannot. You did however make the decision to marry her knowing that she cannot have any more children and maybe you should decide what is more important to you now - the love you have for your wife or your desire to father a child.

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Annelize | 2007/04/02

Why don't you adopt or get a serroget mother?

Reply to Annelize
Posted by: Lou | 2007/04/02

There is obviously no solution that involves your wife - unless she agrees that you father another womens child whilst still married to her. (Most women wouldn't tolerate the thought). You have to weigh up what is more important, your wife or having children - then you'll have your answer.

Reply to Lou

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