Posted by: anon | 2007/08/01

CS please help

I am so confused and don't know what to think. My husband of 5 years told me last week that there is no physical attraction anymore. He still loves me, but is not attracted to me in that way. He also said that it is not a new thing, he is just being honest with me now, but he has been feeling like this for more than 3 years. He says that he doesn't want to make a decision now as he is not in a "mental & emotional state" at the moment to do so. I am also overweight and he told me that it is an issue for him. I struggle with infertility and he knows that having children is very important to me, and now after 4 years of infertility treatments etc. he says he doesn't want children. He is obsessive about his looks and his body and is buying new clothes, gymming etc. He asked me the other night if I would consider an "open marriage" I said to him that it is not even an option for me, then he laughed and said that he was just joking. I don't know what to think anymore, I know I am not perfect and am not judging him. What am I to do?

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Our expert says:
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It really sounds as though he is troubled, within himself, rather than about you ( if he's talking about being in a difficult "mental and emotional state"). Losing weight would almost certainly help to improve fertility, as would the exercise and enhanced diet that you'dneed in order to lose weight. And why not ask his advice, if he's rather vain and attentive to his looks ? Why can't he take out a gymn membership for you, too, and help you to fit in there and take advantage of that facility. Maybe if you get involved in these other healthy activities, rather than focussing on sexual matters, you would find you had more in common, you would enjoy becoming more attractive, and you could solve these problems together ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Been there | 2007/08/01

anon, sorry that you are feeling like this, but from what you are describing these are typical signs of an affair. Yes, you can take charge of your own life and lose some weight and get back on top of things, but don't let him make you feel that it's your fault that he is feeling that way.

Reply to Been there
Posted by: screamer | 2007/08/01

perhaps you should come out of your comfort zone he is simply telling you subtly, that you have let yourself go.
i could understand if you had children you would not have the time for gym and being super hot. initialy when he met you , you must have been attractive to him and you took extra care of yourself but now you are married and slipped into a place which is not making him happpy its obvious he loves you and wants to be with you what you need to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself take this as a wake up call go to the gym exercise eat healthy spend more time on taking care of yourself stop stressing about having children and focus on your relationship by the time you realise it God blesses you with a child and even after having one, do not lose yourself cause it will drive him away.
stop wearing his clothes or looking like his sister trust me i come from there we rarely got intimate or just cuddling now i cannot keep him off and he gets jealous which is something i had not seen for years. i am not being mean just honest

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