Posted by: C-Max | 2007/08/02

CS, how about a banana fact?

Bananas do not grow on trees. They grow on plants that are giant herbs and are related to the lily and orchid family.


Anyway C, I did something very wrong and very stupid. See, death, especially seeing it happen, is very bad for me as I see these images in my head long (decades!) after. Clear as the heavens.

I watched a "home movie" (cellphones) showing in graphic detail this young girl being tortured, stoned and kicked to death by a mob of angry people. This girl married outside her religion. That's it.

There were a thousand people all having a go at her. Her face was covered in blood as she laid there, totally helpless and knowing this is it. This IS the end.

I watched it, trying to force my eyes away, but I was unable to do so. This also brings to mind all the other bodies I saw in my lifetime. All the pedestrian acidents and taxi crashes I saw. That guy getting his heap popped and splattered by the front wheels of a bus, and those picture perfect legs and bum, only missing the upper half of her perfect body.

What a shamefull waste.

My brother's wife's father also died this morning. I wondered where he was now. Death is scary shit. I only try to make it fun so that I don't fear it as much. Cuase I am scared to death, of death. I do not want to die. Ever.

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Our expert says:
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I understand why you got rather pre-occupied about death, C-Max. Maybe the shift towards Bananas is a positive move ? There should be a bunch of banana jokes

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shae | 2007/08/03

Anyone who can see the error of their ways, and is prepared to make amends for it, cannot be all that bad.

We have all done things we would not do if we knew then what we know now. Thats life, and thats how we learn the lessons we are here to learn. Dont forget, even in the bible the prostitute received forgiveness. Im agnostic so i dont follow any set rule when it comes to how to live but i have read the quran, the bible and researched other religions - this is how i ended up agnostic. Thats a long story but the point is this, life is not simple and since you say in your post that nobody will know what is waiting for us on the other side, doesnt it then make sense that nobody can know for sure which is the right way to live here? I dont know if that makes sense.

Have you ever been for counselling? I feel strange asking that since i adamently refuse to go myself, but that again, is a long story.

I it possible that your pre-occupation with death is just a way for you to not have to deal with life?

Reply to Shae
Posted by: C-Max | 2007/08/02

I certainly do Shae. The other night I dreamt about dying and I ended up walking the earth as a non-entity, not being able to do anything but see my loved ones go on with their lives as if nothing happened. It was cruel. I think about this subject almost daily, but know for a fact that we will NEVER know, for a fact, what happens in the afterlife. Having been a very naughty and extremely bad girl in the past, I'm quite sure that whatever is gonna happen, is gonna be very, very bad. The mere thought of having to die eventually is filling me up with so much fear that it's affecting my personal and mental life / state. It's an obsession. And a great fear. I do believe in Christ, I just don't think He believes in me that much . . .

Reply to C-Max
Posted by: Shae | 2007/08/02

C-Max, do you believe in the hereafter?

See, i dont believe that death is the end on life, but rather the extension of it to another level. In fact, at one stage i pondered whether this place (here and now on earth) wasnt hell. This isnt a friendly place and allot of suffering happens here so i thought this must be hel and when we go from here we have paid our penance and we are free to finally be at peace, no hurt, no scars, no obsession with self, no ego's. I think that would be great, to be in a place where spirituality reigns and there is no room for users, abusers, manipulators, hethans and the rest of the by products of our 'civilisation'.

Reply to Shae
Posted by: C-Max | 2007/08/02

Umm CS, that wasn't a joke . . . but I'll get you some if you want?

Reply to C-Max
Posted by: C-Max. | 2007/08/02

Thanks T. Don't you think that without money and sex this world might be practically crime free? I do. Yet . . . we still have to die and that will be the scariest, most desperate hours or minutes (even seconds) of your entire life.

Shit. And it's getting closer with every passing second.

Reply to C-Max.
Posted by: T | 2007/08/02

if i could give you a hug right now i would!

Reply to T

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