Posted by: CJ | 2006/10/24

CS and Chelle, advice please

Hi CS.

No joking and lisping today.

My mother passed away two weeks ago.

For some reason i left my girlfriend. I just could not cope anymore. This morning she sms'ed me that she wants to kill herself. Since then i can not get hold of her.

What am i to do? Why did i leave her just because she wanted to support me?

And CHelle... Where are you girl?

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Our expert says:
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So very sorry to hear this, CJ. We are often not especially rational at such times, so leaving your gf, while probably not a great idea, should be considered understandable and forgiveable --- some people want to grieve privately. For her to threaten suicide to you at a time like this is awful, and inconsiderate, however bad she her self is feeling. Emotional blackmail is a bad thing at any time, but especially so when someone like yourself is so vulnerable. I tend to agree with Chelle. Send an SMS as she suggests, and leave it at that for now, and care for yourself. You're not able to protect her from herself, and you can remain open to talking with her if and when she enables that to happen

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/10/24

I see there is a new, all improved, cyber come SA version of me. Echelle - LOL!


Been around, but not posting much, and also been busy at work, which leaves me with much less time.

I'm really sorry to hear that your mom has passed away!

What your ex has done is a terrible thing - emotional blackmail at it's best. She is making sure she gets a reaction from you, and doesn't care one bit about how you're feeling.

You haven't really explained the situation regarding how or why you broke up with her - so it's hard to comment really. But from this suicide threat of hers, it seems like she must have been emotionally draining in some aspects. Perhaps with your emotions drained with the loss of your mother, you just couldn't handle or provide what you felt she needed at that time.

People can say they want to support you, and mean it, yet they bring you down by their behaviours and their negativity as well.

I don't know whether her threat was serious, but if it was, why did she contact you and then not leave you with a way to get back to her? It just smacks of selfishness to me. And even though she could be hurting and desperate for your attention, I don't believe that you should reward that behaviour by contacting her and making a fuss.

Send her an sms telling her that although you care what she does, her threats aren't going to change things, and advise her to seek proper help.

Sorry, that's the best I could do - I know it not easy, but what options do you really have anyhow?

Hope all works out well for you!

Best wishes.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/24

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about your mother! It must be terrible! I once had a boyfriend, the day I left him he tried everything to kill himself, but somehow did not succeed, because he only tried to scare me and I think he wanted me to take him back, because he knew I would feel sorry for him and I did. You didn't give the reason why you left her, were you two fighting or what? I'm not sure if she will really kill herself, it could be to get your attention, because you wouldn't want her to die as well. Write her a letter with all your feelings inside and sms her that she has a letter waiting for her at her house! Maybe then she'll go back and you will find her there later.

Why would you want to leave your girlfriend because of you not coping? I think you need a girlfriend right now, but tell her that it was very selfish of her to hurt you like this right after your mother died by telling you that she wants to commit suicide!

I hope everything works out for you!

Reply to Echelle

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