Posted by: H25 | 2008/06/23



I only read your posting this am (Mon) and it brought tears to my eyes. I send my heartfelt condolenses. I know its not easy, but you are strong and have lots of people here who appreciate all you have done over the years in providing unended, willing, dedicated support to those who really needed it and will, I am sure, be more than happy to support you through this very difficult time.

in 2001 my grandfather passed away. Not working at the time (I am still without work, having had work briefly a year or 2, 2 years ago!) I was very involved with him, going out with him to do shopping, assisting him with all sorts of things like collecting his post, going with him to the doctor, and in many ways I seemed to develop a stronger relationship with him. What, to me, was the most devestating part of it all, was when he suddenly got ill. Up till then he was the most independent, healthy person anyone could imagine. Our gp said at the time (he was 93 when he died!) if he had patients of his who were 70 who were like him he would be happy! He did his own cooking, washing up, up till he was 91 he played golf and drove himself there 2 a week. Then in May 2001 my parents were in South America and I got a phone call from my grandfather (he always called on me for anything he needed when my mom wasnt here) and he said he couldnt see. I got my gp to go and see him at home and it turned out he had had a stroke. It was devastating for me to deal with without my mom being around to help, despite the help of all my brothers. Fortunately it was only a day or two before they returned home. But my point is, what you are going through I went through with my grandfather, it seemed I was affected a bit more (obviously other than my mom and her brother) because I had such daily involvement with him, so I know what you are going through. My grandfather rapidly deteriorated later that same year and then had a massive brain haemmorhage and never recovered.

My thoughts are with you, your friends and family and we look forward to seeing you back here soon, but ONLY when you are fit to take on this incredibly busy, sometimes annoying, task of dealing with your forum

All the best.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thanks so much. In many ways, isn't it, our grief is primarily for ourselves--- for what WE have lost. I know she made it clear she did NOT recommend advanced age to anyone, and was very frustrated by her steadily increasing limitations. As Stuart Alsop wrote about his own terminal illness : "There comes a time when a dying man needs death, like a sleepy man needs slep", and I have tried to remember that.
The intense physical labour of caring for her was mostly a privilege and a pleasrue to be able to help ; and towards the end, wven on the days she wasn't speaking, those bright blue eyes wouild gaze at me like a friendly and caring puppy.
And by the way, I decided to share this grief, n ot out of any sense of exhibitionism, but because I hope it may help others, both with their own various griefs, and to get some lesser problems more into perspective

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tineke | 2009/01/29

kan julle as vir my meer inligting stuur oor beste se siekte. Ek is gediagnoseer daarmee. Is daar behandeling daarvoor of word daar nog navorsing gedoen daarop.

Met dank

Reply to Tineke
Posted by: El-Jo | 2008/06/23

Dear CS

Words cannot begin to express my sadness and my sympathy for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kind regards


Reply to El-Jo
Posted by: Kb | 2008/06/23

I also read the sad news this morning. I was only wondering yesterday how your mom was.

Im truely sorry for your loss. May the good memories live on in your heart.


Reply to Kb

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