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Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/07

CS

Hi CS,

My baby's father came to visit again, but he did the same thing I was REALLY mad at the previous weekend he came to visit! I wanted to give him one more chance, but he threw that chance away! He lives about 2 and a half hours away from me and a few weekends ago when he arrived I asked him if he was drinking while he was driving and he said yes, I was very mad at him, because he could cause an accident with an innocent family. He told me that he wouldn't do that again, but Friday he was drinking again (5 Smirnoff Spins). He said that he will drink if he wants to while driving and he was taking it easy and that nothing will happen to him and that I don't have to worry, but it's not just him I'm worried about! It's other people too! I told him that I forbid him drinking while driving, but he refuses, even when I told him about innocent children he could kill! Why wouldn't he listen? Why does he only care about himself?! It's irresponsible of him and he can't understand why I acted the way I did! How can I make him stop drinking on the road? If he wants to kill himself, then so be it, I've done enough trying to keep him safe, but it's just that I care about other people that will loose mothers, fathers, children, etc. Am I overreacting about 5 Spins?

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Our expert says:
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It so annoys me when people deliberately do things that are undoubtedly dangerous to themselves and'or others, and use the feeble excuse that they're sure they ( uniquely among all humans ) wil, be safe and unaffected. You are not over-reacting, and neither would the police be over-reacting if they pulled him over and tested his blood alcohol levels.
Its like the other day, waiting for someone, I cauht part of a Rikki lake show, on the dangers of the various trash products that include Ephedra, and she had a group of people who had been badly damaged or had lost loved ones due to this awful drug. And one sublimely stupid woman who had been taking it in high doses for a year and insisted that SHE would not be harmed by it. It's like an idiot who jumps off the top of a 50 story building, and, on the way down, says "hey, this feels fine --- what idiot said this was dangerous ? I'll be fine". Its the last few centmetres of the fall when the damage occurs.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/11/07

Hi Echelle

You have every reason to be concerned. Unfortunately, you can't really forbid him to do anything as such. And you can't force anyone to do something they have no desire to do. What you can do though is forbid him to enter your home under the influence of alcohol, and you can forbid him to have unsupervised access to your child. Then he has to make a decision about what is more important to him.

His behaviour is childish and irresponsible, and I agree with you, that he is putting other people's lives in danger. I wonder how he would feel if a driver under the influence of alcohol caused an accident that hurt or killed his child. I doubt whether he'd be so lenient!

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: simba | 2006/11/07

I don't agree to what uhm... have said. If he is driving under the influence of alcohol, the chances are that he might cause an accident which he was responsible for and also he can get into a lot of trouble for driving under the influence in terms of the law.The chances are that Echelle just want to stop what might be a cause of a lot of sorrow in other families which he might if he causes an accident due to the influence of driving under the influence. If you drink 5 Smirnoff Spins, the chances are so good that the alcohol level in your blood will be more than what the law states. Just one question Uhm.., have you ever been in an accident which the driver of the other vechile was under the influence of alcohol? I suppose not because of the chances that you were involved in such an accident is basically 0%. Talk to someone who came out of an accident which another driver has caused while driving under the incluence of alcohol. I'll rather talk to him about it like Echelle did, and so that he knows what the possibilities was of his actions.

Reply to simba
Posted by: Uhm... | 2006/11/07

Yeah, you are overreacting! How can you tell him what to do and "forbid" him... are you his mother?
He is old enough to take care of himself and the more you nag the more he will do it just to prove that he doesn't have to listen to you!! People like that learn the hard way. At least it's 5 Smirnoff Spins and not 5 bottles of Smirnoff Vodka.
Leave him be, there's nothing you can do!!!

Reply to Uhm...

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