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Question
Posted by: SL | 2005/12/09

Crazy Mother

I got quite a huge problem. Im dating a girl now for a year, We in our mid 20's. She still does not have a job and has a young child. She is living at home still but thats not the problem. 1 of the reasons why she doesnt have a job is because her own mother refuses to help her.

There is constant fighting in the house. I have slept over there a couple of times only to be woken by her mother bursting into the room at 5:30am telling her daughter to get out of bed but not in a nice way, She says things like "Get the F*** out of bed you lazy C***, You are so F****** usless, Get the F*** up before I drag you out of bed". This is done so she can go make her sister lunch for school and feed her child while her mother gets ready.

I have been trying to help her find a job and her mom always promises that if she gets a job she will help her get there, She gets the job then her mothers exact words are "F*** off find your own way there". I work to so I cant help her in the mornings as we live quite far apart for peak hour traffic.

I understand that her mother is angry cause she isnt working but she wont help her and is constantlu kicking her out and saying things like "If you dont have a job by the end of the week you must get the F*** out and find your own place to live".

Her mother fights with everyone and is a really horrible person, She swears in front of the kids and swears at them to. Then for a week or two everything is fine and she doesnt shout at all. She is in her 40's and goes out twice or three times a week and get horribly drunk and comes home and fights with my girlfriend at 3am.

We have recently made plans to go to my family do's and her mother deliberatly goes out that nite and doesnt come home so we cant go cause we have to stay home and look after the children.

My girlfriend had her child very young and couldnt cope with it and when she went to her mother her mother told her to F*** off, Finally the child got really sick and her mother took the child from her. One good thing is her mother helped the child to get well, My girlfriend been so young and scared used to go out all the time and left the child in her mothers care, Her mother kicked her out and she lived with her boyfrined at the time for about a year. She didnt no what else to do. Her and her boyfriend broke up and she almost had a nervous break down cause he was all she had, Her mother finally let her back into there house. Since then there has been the constant fighting. Whenever she want to take her daughter out her mother wont let her and says she is going to call the cops and go to lawyers and get her arrested for kiddnapping.

I do understand that my girlfriend cant support the child on her own but her mom could try help her get a job just to get there and back for the 1st month or two.

Now the big problem, THey had a huge fight last nite and landed up hitting each other and her mother took the kids and went to the fathers of the childs mother. I went through as my girlfriend hurt her arm and was devastated. I called the Gran to tell her what is going on cause her mother always runs off and tells people what a mess up my girlfriend is and she manipulates people into believing that she has done nothing wrong. The Gran told me to come there and we could talk about it with eveyone. We went throufh and her mother was calm, No more swearing but she did tell me that she doesnt like me and im not allowed in her house. She also told her daughter that she doesnt like her and she wont help her with anything. Finally after she had told me that she doesnt like me and im not allowed back into her house ever again and blah blah balh she said she would take my girlfiend to work provided it was with in a 5 - 10km radius of her work and not out of her way and I would have to pick her up. This was agreed to and we left and I dropped my Girlfriend at home and left before her mother got there.

She also said that her daughter would have to take her to court in order to get her child back.

This morning when I spoke to her she told me that her mother is going to kick her out and she is going to lawyers and she wont help her get anywhere cause she is a F*** Up and went off at her again.

I cant handle this anymore and neither can my girlfriend, She has lived with this hate and physical abuse her whole life. I dont know how she has lasted cause I have been around for a year and I cant handle it. My girlfriend is on the verge of a break down and I dont have the money to pay for professional help.

I really dont know what to do.

On last example of how her mother does not care, After I had been dating my girlfriend for about 4 months she was having bad pains in her stomach and told her mother, Her mother told her to F*** off and get over it, She called me the one day and told me her Contraceptive Loop was coming out and it was cutting her. I took her to the Gynae and paid out about R1000 for him to take out the old one and put in a new one. Her mother refused to help her, Even in a medical emergency like that, She claimed to have no money but went and bought clothes to go away and went out drinking all the time.

I really dont know what to do, Im going into a depression cause I have money problems to which are only comming right now...

Please try your best to help me or give advice on what I should do.
If I had the money I would move out and take my girlfriend and her child with me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What a horrible, abusive monster of a mother ! Whether your gf is able to care for her child properly is an important question, but if she can, the mother has no right to make problems about that, or to speak ridiculously of kidnapping. Try to find somewhere where, perhaps at a local clinic or state hospital, your gf can see a counsellor to help her work on plans to get a job and to free herself from this abuse

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: ASP | 2005/12/09

Gee, sounds like her mother has got permanent PMS?

Reply to ASP
Posted by: ZeeZee | 2005/12/09

Morning SL

Wow you are really going through a very difficult time right now.Your'e g/f must be very lucky to have a caring person like you in her life. I really don't want to give you negative advise but this is never going to change. I know because I had a mother in law out of hell and she made me and my husbands life hell. Are you sure that this is what you want. They always fighting and swearing and even get abusive towards each other. What about the kid he must see this happening in front of him.You are going to have hell under them and it is going to influencing you as well. Yes the best thing for your'e girlfriend is to get a job and for her to move out but her mother will always be there. Just say for instance you get married and have your'e own children what will you do if they start screaming and shouting in front of your'e kid. They have got serious issues and do you really want part of it. Like I said I don't want to sound negative but you have to see the reality. You sound like a very nice person don't let them drag you down because that is where you eventually will land...Good luck

Reply to ZeeZee

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