Our expert says:
As usual, some excellent advice from our good readers here. And Tear No More --- congratulations on the progress you're making ! You have such obviously good reasons for a higher self-respect ; and you've noiced some key things. For instance, in the discussion with him, concentrating on the area where you're a world expert, namely yourself and your feelings ("I feel X when Y happens") rather than telling him what he does, or should do, or how he feels. It's more accurate, and more tactically successful.
Jane, it sounds as if, rather than you being any sort of lazy SA b***, he is being a much more typical whinging SA b******. I wonder whether it was a major injury to his self-esteem when he had to retire early for health reasons, and become a man doing the housework ? I wonder whether he has continuing fears about his health, which anxieties easily get turned into anger directed at the only easily available target, you ?
Is it possible he might consider, if you encouraged him, entering into some marriage counselling, to sort this out ?
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