Posted by: Nonnie | 2004/12/08


Please help, this is driving me insane. I never have any money, if I want something I have to ask like a child, and then still have to explain what I need it for. Even if it's only R 5.00. I use to be so independant before our marriage, but slowly but surely he has taken control of everything. I have spoken to him about this on numerous occasions, but he insists that he handles the budget and that I am spendthrift. He gets very annoyed when I even raise the subject. I earn a good salary that I work very hard for, but I don't see it at all. He doesn't show his feelings very often (not affectionate) but will show it in other ways. Sometimes he will surprise me with small gifts, but I can't buy myself something (not even a magazine) then I get the look. Everything is on his terms only. On the other hand he is a good father, provider, lover and husband. Sorry, if I don't make any sense, there is so much to ask and so little time.

Any suggestions ?

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Our expert says:
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Open your own bank account, and have your earnings deposited directly into it. Jemma's suggestion is highly practical and realistic. And yes, push for some marriage counselling, to explore why he is so demeaning towards you, and so mistrustful.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jemma | 2004/12/08

This is the 21st Century and we don't share our money with our husbands anymore. Why did you fall into this old fasion way of doing things?

It is so important to have your own bank account and money because YOU WORK FOR IT!!!!! You deserve to have your own money and buy something if you feel like it.

Why don't you ad up all your expenses per month e.g. house, water & electricity, groceries, schoolfees. Then you take his salary and yours and put it into a percentage figure. If he earns for example R6000 per month and you R4000 per month then he pays 60% of the expenses and you 40%. The rest of your money stays in your bank account for you to do with what you want. (My maths is not to good but I hope you get the idea).

Suggest this to him and also explain to him that the fact that you have to ask for everthing is making you feel like a nobody.

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: Nokt | 2004/12/08

Or rather start some small business that will help you make money like maybe sell some clothes or something...

Reply to Nokt
Posted by: Liza | 2004/12/08

Mmmm. Sounds like my mom and dad 'cept that my mom had control of the budget and she at least gave my dad an allowance each month. Ask him for an allowance each month since a non-existent friend gets an allowance and that you think its only fair. Else I think the only way out here is some marraige counselling. Good luck!

Reply to Liza

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