Posted by: miss | 2004/10/27

considering having affair

what does a person do when they are thinking about having an affair? i have been with my husband for 7 years now in total, but only married one year. we have not had sex in 5 weeks and i just dont know what to do anymore. i know i am craving excitement as i am so bored with my life that i am getting depressed about it. i know someone who is having problems with his wife and we said we would go for a drink some time to chat about this and that. since we made this arrangement two days ago i cannot get him out of my head. i dont even know if we will end up going for a drink and a chat but i am hoping we do. i know this is wrong but i dont know how to handle this. i love my hubby dearly and value my marriage but i am just craving something so bad and i dont even know what it is. i have even thought about the two of us having an affair. please help.

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Our expert says:
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What one does is to arange, with spouse, to see a marriage counsellor. All this can be sorted out. Affairs are always damaging, and never solve the problems you think you have or expect they will.

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Our users say:
Posted by: No true | 2004/10/28

My b/friends sex drive is a little lower than mine and I often have to go without 'woopy' as he snores while im in the mood!!

Reply to No true
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/10/28

an here i thought it is only us single okes that go without making woopy for extended periods of time .....

i might as well be married then ...with this no woopy thing ...

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: Bubbles | 2004/10/28

Hey there..

Good on you - you dont need to go have a drink with him sms or call saying something has come up. Your husband really needs you by the sounds of it! When my hubby is stressed he aslo get quite snappish but i let it go as its due to the pressures of work. I would suggest let this be a challenge to you to focus on operation spark mode. Start a little "game" if you may call it to sprak your marraige life. You will not only have fun thinking of ways but will start feeling more positive about your marriage.

REMEMBER a wife is to support her husband though good and bad... WHy not plan a weekend away at some romanic spot and just enjoy each others company, start buliding up the relationship again and the sex will follow ...

Reply to Bubbles
Posted by: Cow | 2004/10/28

whack your husband upside the head with a frying pan. don't even think of having an affair, it always ends up destroying lives!

Reply to Cow
Posted by: miss | 2004/10/28

thanks for all the responses. i dont know why we havent had sex for so long. i have asked him a couple of times and he says it is stress and he is not confident with himself (he is slightly overweight). i have tried to initiate a few times to no avail. i have also asked him if he is having an affair and he promises me he is not. i do believe him because he is always home and unless he is at work, he is with me - if he is doing it with someone else, then they must be doing it at work during work hours. however he has been very short tempered with me lately and starts going on at me for what i consider silly things. i told hubby about my plans to go for a drink with this man as hubby knows him too. not personally though, he just knows him as a friend of mine. the two of them have no contact. hubby knows this guy is having problems and he knows that him and i had a discussion about it the other day, and that was when we agreed to go out and talk etc. i told hubby as i dont want to hide it and he is fine with it because he trusts me. but i dont trust myself right now. i could either quite happily go for the drink and come home and think nothing of it, or i could go for the drink and follow through on anything that may happen. maybe you are right, i wont go. it is safer that way. i have an open relationship with my hubby so i will try and pluck up the courage to talk to him about how i am feeling. i have always said that i will never have an affair, but now i am having these feelings it is scaring me. i cannot get this guy out of my head.

Reply to miss
Posted by: TW | 2004/10/28


marriage is not to be taken lightly! The key to happiness is to be open and to communicate to each other. Maybe even suggest you two go to a counsler to help you guys out.

All marriages have there ups and downs and you have only been married for a year ,give it a chance, you wont find happiness in having an affiar and the guilt will be terrible to live with!!!

Dont go for that drink, you dont need to be tempted and to temp the other guy with his marriage too. Be a faithful wife. What if the table was turned and you perhaps were innocinet in this and your husband was thinking of an affair - very very hurtful.

All you need is to have some patience, to be open and to find out what the 2 of you can do TOGETHER - you will son see a spark being reunited - focus on the positive and dont give into your lustful desires... be there for each other!!!

God Bless

Reply to TW
Posted by: Bee | 2004/10/28

find out if he is geting it somewhere else first.

Reply to Bee
Posted by: Mary | 2004/10/28

Why havent you had sex in five weeks? Why dont you talk to your husband and ask him? Have you lost interest or has he? Trust me its not worth it. You are just sraving something new and can you imagine if this man who wants to have drinks with you was your husband saying it to another woman? Its wrong.

Reply to Mary
Posted by: o.m. | 2004/10/28

Miss, no one can tell you what to do that is your choice yep the fun of having a fling makes you feel alive and excited and man sure get the old adrenaline pumping that lust , mmh not felt that since the beginning of your time with you hubby , well that is part and parcel of a relationship it takes hard work and commitment by both parties to ensure the sparkle stays there work at it have you had a chat with your hubby re his lack of sex drive, he may have done what you want to do and now is paying the mental price an d this is eating him alive, beware forbidden fruit has a price to pay and when you call the tune remember you have to pay the piper and after the fact that price may be too high to handle, if you are truly wanting this fling tell your husband that you have these urges and see how he will feel I dare you, if he thinks the same how will your emotions handle this, in your shoes I would make a plan an seduce your husband put the spark back into the marriage and have an affair with your husband or destroy your marriage your choice

Reply to o.m.

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